In 2010 we were living in Idaho and our 18 month old daughter, Preslee fell into a canal. She was found over a mile downstream by a farmer who immediately called 911. You can read more about her story here. She was flown to a hospital in SLC, UT and stayed for a week before she passed away. After writing 12 Ways to Help A Family Planning A Funeral, I had multiple requests to share how to help a person or family who is in the hospital. So I've compiled what we learned from our week stay at Primary Children's Hospital.
Note: We left a camera out on the table and I'm not sure who took all of these pictures. Sometimes it was a nurse, other times it was family. Years later, I'm so grateful for every picture we have with her.
1. Basic Needs - Everyone needs to eat and everyone needs clothing. We were so grateful when people dropped off food for us. Whether they ran and grabbed something at a restaurant or purchased something from the cafeteria, we always appreciated it. My cousin brought fruit and muffins and those were a hit because we could leave them in the room with us and snack when we wanted. My friend who was a nurse at the same hospital cooked us a homemade meal and ate with us in the cafeteria. My aunt who lived close to the hospital came and grabbed our dirty laundry and washed it for us. We were grateful for those who took care of our basic needs so we could give our full attention to Preslee.
2. Transportation - Once the decision was made to send Preslee on a helicopter to SLC, my aunt without being asked immediately reached out to an old college friend who owned an airplane. We had never met him before and were blown away when he agreed to fly us to Utah in the middle of the night with very little notice. We flew right in front of Preslee and he helped us track her on his GPS. We landed at a different airport than Preslee around 3:00 AM and my uncle was waiting for us and drove us to Primary Children's Hospital. Just in case Preslee arrived at the hospital before us, my brother was there waiting for her so she wouldn't be alone. So many people helped us with transportation that day. We didn't have a car during the hospital stay, so we were grateful when people ran errands for us or let us borrow their car. Be aware if the patient arrives on life flight or ambulance the person who accompanies them most likely won't have a car.
3. Personal Items - When we learned Preslee was going to be transported by life flight to another state, we quickly went home and threw some clothes into a bag and left. It was clear the next day that we didn't pack everything we needed. I wore daily contacts and after a few days in the same pair I desperately needed some new ones. I was grateful when Patrick's step brother called and asked if he could bring us anything. He stopped by our house to grab a few extra things for us and drove 3 1/2 hours to deliver them to us.
4. Posters and Pictures - We had multiple blog readers tell us to put up pictures of Preslee in her hospital room. They explained that it would help the doctors remember she was more than just a sick patient. My cousin's wife printed off pictures and brought tape to hang them up for us. The pictures and posters helped cheer up her room a little bit as well.
5. Send Money or Gift Cards - When the accident happened, we were college students, so finances were tight. Once the decision was made to fly Preslee to a larger hospital, a family friend who had arrived at the hospital, stopped Patrick and handed him a lot of money in cash. He had obviously thought ahead and told Pat he didn't want us to worry about anything we didn't need to. Pat just cried. I hadn't even thought about finances, but with Preslee being life flighted and knowing a long hospital stay was in our future, Pat later told me he had begun to panic about how we would be able to afford it. My mom later showed up with a check from her neighbors and told us they sent it so we could eat at the cafeteria without worrying. We were grateful for big hearts that really made a big difference!
Note: We left a camera out on the table and I'm not sure who took all of these pictures. Sometimes it was a nurse, other times it was family. Years later, I'm so grateful for every picture we have with her.
1. Basic Needs - Everyone needs to eat and everyone needs clothing. We were so grateful when people dropped off food for us. Whether they ran and grabbed something at a restaurant or purchased something from the cafeteria, we always appreciated it. My cousin brought fruit and muffins and those were a hit because we could leave them in the room with us and snack when we wanted. My friend who was a nurse at the same hospital cooked us a homemade meal and ate with us in the cafeteria. My aunt who lived close to the hospital came and grabbed our dirty laundry and washed it for us. We were grateful for those who took care of our basic needs so we could give our full attention to Preslee.
2. Transportation - Once the decision was made to send Preslee on a helicopter to SLC, my aunt without being asked immediately reached out to an old college friend who owned an airplane. We had never met him before and were blown away when he agreed to fly us to Utah in the middle of the night with very little notice. We flew right in front of Preslee and he helped us track her on his GPS. We landed at a different airport than Preslee around 3:00 AM and my uncle was waiting for us and drove us to Primary Children's Hospital. Just in case Preslee arrived at the hospital before us, my brother was there waiting for her so she wouldn't be alone. So many people helped us with transportation that day. We didn't have a car during the hospital stay, so we were grateful when people ran errands for us or let us borrow their car. Be aware if the patient arrives on life flight or ambulance the person who accompanies them most likely won't have a car.
3. Personal Items - When we learned Preslee was going to be transported by life flight to another state, we quickly went home and threw some clothes into a bag and left. It was clear the next day that we didn't pack everything we needed. I wore daily contacts and after a few days in the same pair I desperately needed some new ones. I was grateful when Patrick's step brother called and asked if he could bring us anything. He stopped by our house to grab a few extra things for us and drove 3 1/2 hours to deliver them to us.
4. Posters and Pictures - We had multiple blog readers tell us to put up pictures of Preslee in her hospital room. They explained that it would help the doctors remember she was more than just a sick patient. My cousin's wife printed off pictures and brought tape to hang them up for us. The pictures and posters helped cheer up her room a little bit as well.
5. Send Money or Gift Cards - When the accident happened, we were college students, so finances were tight. Once the decision was made to fly Preslee to a larger hospital, a family friend who had arrived at the hospital, stopped Patrick and handed him a lot of money in cash. He had obviously thought ahead and told Pat he didn't want us to worry about anything we didn't need to. Pat just cried. I hadn't even thought about finances, but with Preslee being life flighted and knowing a long hospital stay was in our future, Pat later told me he had begun to panic about how we would be able to afford it. My mom later showed up with a check from her neighbors and told us they sent it so we could eat at the cafeteria without worrying. We were grateful for big hearts that really made a big difference!
Preslee with Grandpa Sullenger
6. Take A Shift - Patrick and I were reluctant to leave Preslee alone. We wanted to protect her, and it quickly became obvious our parents were doing the same for us. They strongly encouraged us to go get some sleep so we could focus and make important decisions for Preslee. When they realized that we didn't want to leave her alone, we had multiple family members offer to stay the night with her. Each night, someone different took a shift. From Pat's brothers, to our parents, we were so grateful for their help. If a family has other children and can't be there around the clock, I suggest calling and offering to go and visit the person in the hospital during the day. Family members did this for us when our twin boys were in the NICU and it was incredibly helpful.
Preslee with Grandma Siddoway
7. Send a Gift - Before our hospital stay, I didn't know you could send things other than flowers to the hospital. I had just never thought about it. My uncle's sister sent us a picture of Preslee with an encouraging note. Our ward and neighbors sent a blanket with the signatures of all the young children who attended our local church. My old high school teacher sent an encouraging letter telling me it was okay to take care of myself at times. So if you live far away, don't feel like you can't help. I've sent Crumbl cookies more than once to be delivered to friends.
8. Be Mindful of their Situation - This one is hard for me to share, because we truly appreciated everyone who came to the hospital, and I NEVER want to stop anyone from supporting someone in a time of need. But I ask you to take a minute and think about how close you really are to the person or family and what role you should play.
8. Be Mindful of their Situation - This one is hard for me to share, because we truly appreciated everyone who came to the hospital, and I NEVER want to stop anyone from supporting someone in a time of need. But I ask you to take a minute and think about how close you really are to the person or family and what role you should play.
Preslee with Great Grandma Wightman, Great Grandma Siddoway, Great Grandpa Siddoway
In the PICU, only three people were allowed to be in Preslee's hospital room at one time. So if visitors came we either had to leave Preslee and visit with them in the hall or one of us needed to leave the room to let the visitors in. Though every once in a while we didn't mind, I remember there were a few times I felt upset as I waited in the hallway for a long time hoping someone in her room would walk out. I know I could have gone in at any time, but I really didn't want to be rude, especially when so many traveled over three hours to get there. What I learned from this experience is to do one of two things.
- Call or text a family member. If you aren't immediate family, call or text to see if they would like a visit. This gives them an out if they really don't want one. I've had multiple people thank me for reaching out, but say today just isn't a good day. And that's fine! Please don't be offended. If I get this response, I usually move onto #2. But if they do want a visit, I always ask if they need me to bring anything to them. I also try to keep my visit relatively short. But if you are immediate family or their best friend, I would show up and help in any way I could.
- Drop something off. This is usually my go to. If I don't know the person extremely well, I will create a care package (I'll share what I bring at the end of this post) and drop it off at the front desk with the patient's name and room number along with a note to be delivered. I know the things I drop will help in some way, but yet, I won't be intruding. I realize time is precious in the hospital and I don't want to take that away from them.
9. Journal - This coincides with the ideas above. Over the years I've been asked a surprising amount of times how to handle a lot of visitors at the hospital. I've come to learn that not everyone knows how to handle the situation. We didn't either. There was one day when it seemed like everyone came to visit. We were constantly being pulled out of the room and Preslee was struggling that day and it was stressful. I can't remember if I said something, but my dad quickly read the situation. He went down to the hospital gift shop and purchased a journal and pen. From that moment on, if it wasn't immediate family or really close friends, he was the one to greet them and explain that Preslee was having a hard day and that we needed to be by her side. He would hand them the journal and encourage them to leave a note. Though it wasn't optimal, I'm sure they wanted to talk to us, it allowed people to leave an encouraging message and allowed us to stay with Preslee. I still remember reading the messages in the journal and crying later that night.
Also, please be aware that if someone is about to pass away their last minutes on earth are precious. If everyone that ever knew them came to say goodbye, it wouldn't leave any time for the family. I once received a phone call from a mom in this situation and my heart broke for her. She was so grateful for the support and didn't want to be rude, but with only hours left with her son, she didn't know what to do or say to the people who kept knocking on their door.
Again, I don't want to deter anyone from visiting and supporting anyone, but please stop and think through a few different things before you go.
10. Take Care of their Home - While we were away in Utah, the people back home in Idaho stepped up and took care of everything at our house. I still can't get over what people did for us. People are so good! We ran a Sno Shack at the time, and my extended family and best friend jumped in and figured out how to run it for us. My SIL called her dad and asked him to mow our lawn. He later called her back and said someone had already beat him to it. My aunt and cousin went into our home and cleaned the entire house, did our laundry, and had the fridge stocked for us when we returned home. Talk about a humbling experience. It was such a blessing knowing we didn't need to worry about what was happening at home while we were at the hospital.
11. Child Care - Many units in the hospital don't allow children under 12. Therefore, if a family has children at home, they can't visit the hospital. The nurses told us that many times children are left alone in the PICU because families can't find or afford sitters on a regular basis. This broke my heart, because I know we were a rare case with having so many people there to support Preslee. If you know a family with small children, offering to babysit could be an incredible gift.
12. Make Arrangements to Help Them Sleep - The first night we flew down to the hospital and when the second night came around we were exhausted. We tried to sleep in the hospital and it just didn't go well. My parents noticed and without hesitation booked a hotel room close by. About five days later, my parents started looking into different options for us to stay, (The Ronald McDonald House) but Preslee passed away before we finalized anything. I think doing the research or giving the family different options of places to stay could be very helpful. We really did sleep better in the hotel, and having a shower there was nice. It also gave us some privacy to discuss and make important decisions regarding Preslee without others weighing in. Having family members looking out for our well being was a blessing.
Though we were only there a week, it seemed like a lifetime. I'm not sure Patrick and I would have survived without all the help we received during that week. I hope these ideas will help you show up for the people you love during a hospital stay.
Gift Ideas:
Please note that this post contains affiliate links and sales made through such links will reward me a small commission - at no extra cost to you.
Gift Ideas:
- Presentlee's Sending Love Care Package - With all these experiences in mind I've worked hard to create a package for people to send to someone in the hospital. Whether it is sent to the patient or to the parents who have a child in the hospital, our new package will be a useful and uplifting gift! The package includes a sleep mask, fuzzy socks, scrunchie, chapstick, jolly ranchers, and a custom handwritten card. And don't worry, a male version will be released soon!
- Journal - I wrote quite a bit down while we were there. This one from Amazon is a great option as well.
- Thank You Cards - I asked for these so I could thank our favorite nurses and doctors.
- Noise Cancelling Headphones - Our good friend recommended these after he experienced a brain injury.
- Blanket - Hospital rooms get cold!
- Stuffed Animals - Many people sent one for Preslee along with necklaces and books.
- Amazon Gift Card - There's a lot of waiting time. Audio books or renting a movie might be a nice gift.
- Cash/Money for food and gas.
- Uplifting Items - I see you necklace, I can do hard things necklace, Hope necklace, Hug Box.
Hospital Bags:
These are the bags we compile for the Give Presentlee Foundation and what I usually drop off if I know someone unexpectedly ends up in the hospital.
- Tote bag
- Blanket
- Fuzzy socks (I look for the ones with grippers on the bottom)
- Chapstick
- Treats - Granola bars, Cliff Bars, Gold fish, jerky, trail mix,
- Journal or Notepad
- Pens
- Hair Elastics
- Contact Case and Solution
- Altoids or gum
- Children's Book - If there will be kids there, I'll often add kid items like books, small toys, and coloring books.
- Travel Size Toiletry Items
- Handwritten note
Have you experienced a long hospital stay? What did you learn? What things helped you? Please share with us below!
This is a great post! My baby (who was born in January of this year) was in the NICU for a few days and I had a really hard time letting others "take a shift" because I had that mom guilt like I should be the one to always be with her but when I finally let it go and let someone sit with my baby, I could rest and take a nap or eat a meal if I needed. It was hard but so needed. So many of these are really helpful!
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