Meet Angie. She’s married to her husband Neal and a mom to three kids - Her angel son Jayden, her angel daughter Maci, and her son Grayson, who was adopted from the most amazing and selfless birth mother.
Angie has experienced a great deal of heartache over the past decade. After two years of infertility, Angie was diagnosed with PCOS. She was finally able to get pregnant on clomid, but lost her son Jayden shortly after delivering him at 22 weeks. They continued to struggle with infertility and miscarriages and later decided to adopt their son Grayson. She then proceeded to use IVF to conceive, and miscarried the first round, and got pregnant with twins on her second round, but sadly lost them both due to a miscarriage. On her fourth transfer she got pregnant, but lost her sweet Maci shortly after delivering her at 21 weeks.
Artist: Lisa Bartholomew.
Q: How can others help someone going through infertility and loss?
“I think just being more aware of those around you who may be struggling with infertility and trying to not constantly talking about your pregnancies and children. I don't mind hearing about it here and there but hour long conversations about it when I would literally have nothing to say or add to the conversation was very depressing. I also recommend telling your close friends and family who are struggling with getting pregnant in private before announcing it to everyone else so they aren't caught off guard. It has been very helpful and I've appreciated when others have done that with me.”
Q. What were the most helpful acts of service you have received?
“We were able to save money by having other women donate their unused medicine for our second retrieval which saved us $3,000. If you are doing IVF ask your clinic if they know of anyone who might want to sell their medicine at a discount or donate it.
I have been blessed with many gifts from friends over the years but I’m so thankful when others have thought of my husband Neal. He received a keychain with Jayden and Maci’s names on it and he treasures it. He grieves in a different way than me, but he still deserves to be thought of.
Simple texts, cards, and messages are always uplifting.
My friend sent me a bracelet set - one for me with a heart on it and one to bury with Maci with a key on it to remember her.
My favorite act of service was when my friends hosted a “friendship shower” after losing my son. I was able to share my thoughts and story with them and they showered me with thoughtful gifts. It was the best gift I ever got - being able to just talk about my son and my experience and be able to celebrate his short life.”
Q. Good intentions don’t always come across as helpful. Has anyone’s actions ever hurt you?
”After our son passed away, we wanted the graveside to only be our closest immediate family members and we told our families our wishes. We didn’t know they had been inviting extended family and friends. After having to tell them we just wanted it to be immediate family, some were hurt. We were trying to deal with our own grief and it was hard to then deal with hurt feelings of others. We ended up having a luncheon after to appease everyone, but it’s not necessarily what we wanted. I know it was all out of love for us and we appreciated it so much, but we needed to grieve the way we knew how and well meaning intentions aren’t always what is most helpful.”
Q. I know people mean well, but they don’t always say the most helpful things. Is there anything people said to you that hurt?
A lot of times with infertility, people think they have answers for you based on what worked for them. I remember people telling me if I ate more red meat I wouldn’t miscarry. I would refrain from offering advice unless you phrase it like “I know this may not help, but have you thought of this….”
When talking to others about my story, a lot of times they try to tell me a story of someone they’ve heard of to try and relate to my story. Sometimes I just want someone to listen. You don’t have to relate to be a good friend.
Website: Angie has kept a detailed blog about her journey with infertility and loss. To learn more or to connect with Angie, visit her blog here.
Gift Ideas:
- Friendship Shower
- Keychain for spouse (here or here)
- Watercolor Portrait
- Bracelet Set (here and here)
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