Meet Stacie.
Stacie’s younger sister Heather died by suicide in September 2017. Heather was just 31 years old. Stacie and her family are in the beginning stages of working through their grief. She hopes to help people feel more comfortable talking about mental illness and suicide. She also wants Heather to be remembered for her bright personality and giving heart.
Stacie’s sister, Heather
Q: Often times people are nervous to speak to people who have lost a loved one to suicide. Is there anything that has been said that you’ve found helpful?
A: “Many people have shared happy/funny memories and experiences they had with my sister. Seeing photos and hearing wonderful moments from her life are super comforting. Remembering the good things about her life keeps my focus in the right place.”
“A friend of mine struggles with depression. She tried to describe to me how it feels when she has really dark moments. This was helpful to me. It allowed me to put myself in my sisters shoes for a bit and start to empathize with the way she must have been feeling.”
Left to right: Stacie (contributor to this post), Heidi (youngest sister), Heather (the sister who passed away), Lars (baby brother).
Q: Were there any acts of service performed that made an impact on you and your family?
A: “Multiple friends dropped off small care packages for my family, the week of the funeral. They brought things like prepackaged snacks, coloring books for my kids with stickers, and other kid activities. This was so great for the many hours in the car with kids. The day of the funeral was really busy and having the snacks in the car was essential! The last thing I needed was cranky kids.”
“My mom’s friend brought her a large metal carry tote, full of paper products. She loved this gift! It sat on her kitchen counter for over a month and helped her avoid doing dishes. Eating is exhausting enough. Doing dishes is unnecessary when you’re grieving.”
“Nobody did this, but a gift card for gas would be another great gift idea. I did a lot of driving that first week, back and forth between my parents house and my home. (About a 40 minute drive) Luckily my finances weren’t tight, but that could be a real strain for some people. Gas money is thoughtful.”
Stacie’s favorite picture of Heather from high school.
Is there anything else you would like to share?
“Don’t assume that all grief is the same, whenever a loved one dies. Suicide feels so different. There is a lot of confusion. Unanswered questions. Regret and guilt. Don’t let the way that a person died be the way you remember their life.
Try to focus on all the great things they did and who they were during happier times. This is much more useful and healing. Anytime you have a happy thought about the person who has died, please share it with their family!!! They so want to hear those good things.”
Gift Ideas:
- Care packages for family and children.
- Tote filled with paper products.
- Gas money for traveling.
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