Meet Lisa and Aaron King.
Lisa and Aaron met in 1995 while at church in Tasmania, Australia. After thirteen years of marriage, the couple was blessed with four boys. One of their sons, Noah, was born with a condition called hydrancephaly, and was severely disabled. Life wasn’t easy for the Kings, but Lisa says, “It was certainly wonderful!” Aaron was a teacher known for his sense of humor, (not always appropriate which is why he was so funny!) Three months after the Kings buried their son Noah, Aaron suddenly had a massive heart attack right in front of the family. Aaron passed away in January 2012 at the age of 39.
Lisa and Aaron met in 1995 while at church in Tasmania, Australia. After thirteen years of marriage, the couple was blessed with four boys. One of their sons, Noah, was born with a condition called hydrancephaly, and was severely disabled. Life wasn’t easy for the Kings, but Lisa says, “It was certainly wonderful!” Aaron was a teacher known for his sense of humor, (not always appropriate which is why he was so funny!) Three months after the Kings buried their son Noah, Aaron suddenly had a massive heart attack right in front of the family. Aaron passed away in January 2012 at the age of 39.
“I cannot ever describe how much I miss my best friend, every single day.”
– Lisa King
Q: After Aaron passed away, were there any acts of service performed for you and your family that you really appreciated?
A: “When your husband dies you are going through so many emotions, and in my case I was dealing with my children, who were also grieving at the same time. You have financial matters to attend to, have to think about going back to work (if you weren’t already), you still have to feed your children, keep the house running, and try to hold it all together at the same time. Suddenly you are Mum and Dad in that you have to try to compensate for what the children have lost.”
“I remember feeling so overwhelmed and not knowing how I was going to do it all. Something went wrong with our computer and I burst into tears and was so angry that Aaron wasn’t there to fix it, as he always fixed it! I had things that needed fixing in the house and no one to fix it. I had amazing friends who just jumped in and helped me do things that were just too hard at the time. Some friends helped me build garden beds and plant out my vegetable garden for the summer. My brothers helped me fix things around the house. One of my best friends helped me sort out Aaron’s life insurance so I didn’t have to deal with it.”
“I also have wonderful friends who would remember that Father’s Day (and also Mother’s Day) is now particularly hard and would send us a card to let us know they were thinking about Aaron and what a great Dad he was.”
Q: I truly believe most people mean well, but were there any comments that were hurtful?
A: “I had a few people say things to me like ‘when I went through my divorce I grieved, so I know what you are going through.’ I have never been through a divorce, and I have no doubt that you do grieve when it happens, I understand that the life that you once imagined what now gone, but I don’t think it can or should be compared to someone passing away. My boys no longer had their father on earth. They couldn’t spend the weekends with him, or call him, or Skype him. I didn’t have someone who was paying me child support to help with the cost of bringing up my boys. I understand that divorce is an extremely hard thing to go through and I have empathy for those who have gone through it, but it doesn’t help to compare it to someone who has passed away. Grief should never be compared - even someone who has lost someone because they have passed away, is on a different journey to someone else in a similar situation.”
“I’ve also had many people say to me that I need ‘to move on’ and get remarried. I feel like I have moved on by doing things every day that are hard without Aaron – getting out of bed every day, going back to work, dealing with my boys’ grief while grieving myself, selling our home and moving (because it was too hard to stay where we lived together), creating new family memories and traditions while still remember Aaron in our lives.”
“Moving on doesn’t and shouldn’t necessarily mean getting remarried. I have made a decision that I don’t want to get remarried and it’s had when people still say things like ‘You never know what’s around the corner.’ No I don’t, but I wish people would understand that I’m still moving forward in my life, and that being remarried isn’t going to fix everything. I love and miss Aaron every day and will for the rest of my life. I’m happy for other people who do choose to get remarried, but it’s not something I want for myself.”
Q: Is there anything else you would like to add?
A: “I LOVE it when someone mentions Aaron by name and talks about him. Some people are too scared that they will upset me more if they mention his name, and I may tear up at times, but it doesn’t mean they’ve upset me because they mentioned his name. I love it when people say ‘remember when Aaron....’ and tell a funny story about him or when they say things like ‘Aaron would love this’ or ‘I was thinking about Aaron the other day.’ It helps me to know that I’m not the only one who misses him and that other people still love and miss him as much as we do.”
Website: www.lisajking.blogspot.com
Gift Idea: I love the idea that Lisa shared of acknowledging someone's spouse on Father's Day or Mother's Day. I reached out to the amazing Miss Audrey Sue who whipped up these ADORABLE cards! Just print them off on card stock, and you've got yourself a super thoughtful card. Audrey designed them to fold into a 4x6 card, so there is enough room to add a thoughtful note.
I'm happy to see Lisa featured on your blog. I've been reading her blog for several years now. She seems like such a lovely lady!
ReplyDeleteTo Lisa: I can't imagine the difficulties you went through. To lose your son and your husband. No amount of words can ever express my deepest condolences to you. I was told when my husband passed away to move on. The problem was...I didn't know where to go. I'm very blessed that my son married his wife and they had my little grandson just 20 months after my husband passed away. That little boy...he saved my life. I think people sometimes don't really know what to say so they say what they can. I don't think they mean to hurt others but it's just that they don't completely understand. They want to but it's hard to put ourselves in others' shoes. I lost my husband but I wasn't in your shoes because your situation was so different. You lost your son, then your husband so suddenly to an unforeseen heart attack. I can't imagine your difficulties in raising your children by yourself but you seem to have found inner strength and resolve to be the best mom (and dad) you can be. I'm glad the Lord's tender mercies reach you by virtue of others who show you kindness. To Ashley: Thank you for sharing Lisa's story. Just when we think we have it so hard, there is always someone who is going through a very difficult time. That doesn't minimize our heartache, but hopefully it gives everyone some perspective on what is "a hard day." Thanks to both of you amazing women.
ReplyDeleteTwo of my favourite bloggers since I entered this new life. Both Lisa and Ashley continue to help me.
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