Letter to Fellow Grieving Parents

My Dear Sweet Friend,

There are so many things I wish I could say to you at this time of year, I wish we were able to sit down together and discuss everything in our hearts. Most of all, I wish I could lean over and give you a great big hug and let you know you aren’t alone.

It’s officially the Christmas season. We somehow survived Thanksgiving, and now its onto Christmas. Everyone expects us to be Merry and Jolly, and whether you are celebrating your first Christmas without your angel or your 10th, I know you’ll most likely have that moment at least once this Holiday season.



Each year that moment strikes me at different times. This year, it came on Sunday. I was sitting in an hour long class at church, enjoying a Christmas lesson, when it came. You know, that moment when you are unexpectedly hit with emotions and it just becomes too overwhelming? When that familiar ache takes over and you have to physically remind yourself to breathe? Yes, it was that moment. I started bawling and couldn’t stop. There I sat surrounded by women, most of whom have no idea I have a daughter, and I felt very alone.  

As the tears continued to fall, I told myself to think of something else, and why my brain automatically focused on the fact that her Birthday is next week, I’m not sure. I literally rolled my eyes, because I knew the tears weren’t stopping anytime soon. I contemplated walking out, but due to the fact I was sitting towards the front and next to the wall, the thought of squeezing past people while sobbing… well, I thought that would bring more unwanted attention. So I burrowed down into my chair and cried as silently as I could, wiping the mascara from my cheeks wishing I had a tissue.



Ugh, its been five years, and during that moment on Sunday, it felt as intense as it was that very first year after Preslee died. Though these moments don’t come as frequent, they still come, and they still hurt. We both know most people don’t really want to hear about death and grief during such a joyous time of year, but I want to let you know you aren’t alone when that moment hits you. If I could, I would hand you an angel ornament and let you know you aren’t the only one thinking about your child. I’d mention your angel’s name and ask, “What is it that you miss the most about him/her?” And then we could talk about our children, not because we’re sad, but because our angels deserve to be talked about, just like any other child.


And more importantly, I would let you know that even though these moments leave you feeling extremely isolated, you aren’t alone. Each year, I have to remind myself the true reason we celebrate Christmas, it’s because our Savior was born – the person who made it possible to be reunited with our sweet angels. So even though those moments might be overwhelming, we really do have something special to celebrate.
Hang in there, we’ll make it through this, together.

Love,
Ashley