Momma

Dear Cannon,

Until I had you, I never realized how much bonding takes place in the hospital just after giving birth between the mom and baby. Instead of spending hours cuddling you in a hospital room, you went straight into the NICU. For the first two weeks of your life I only had a few hours to spend with you each day. Nurses told me when it was okay to hold you, when to feed you, when to let you sleep, they controlled every aspect of our life together. And to make matters worse, those few hours we had each day were divided between you and your twin brother. I felt like we had a slow start.

(Just a few days old, and he looks so different now!)

When you were released from the NICU, I was incredibly optimistic. But colic set in all too quickly, and suddenly you and your brother were struggling to function. I remember telling your dad that part of the reason I felt those months were so difficult was because I felt like I still hadn’t fully bonded with either of you. It sounds weird, and is hard to explain, but it was different this time around. It wasn’t until we took you off dairy that I finally saw the “real” you, and the only person you seemed to want was your brother and visa versa. I was happy to see you both had each other, and thought maybe this is how the whole twin thing works, they just don’t need their mom as much.

(Cannon, Cruiz 12 Months)

A few months later Cruiz proved that theory wrong when he became attached to my hip. If he wasn’t with you, he wanted me. But no matter how hard I tried, you kept to yourself. Obviously I am your mom, and there were times you needed me, but if something went wrong you usually went to Cruiz before me. It felt like you had put a wall up (with not only me) and I was ready to figure out a way to knock it down.

Just after your first Birthday, I discussed the problem with you dad and we decided he was going to spend more time with Cruiz, and you were all mine. Where you weren’t as demanding, I was going to reward that quality. If I came into a room, I was going to pick you up first. If both you and your brother needed something, I’d choose you first. I spent hours taking you off playing with you by yourself. At first, it didn’t seem to make a difference, I felt like I was repeatedly banging my head against that wall you had put up, but about a month later, that wall began to crumble.

I’m not sure what changed, but to my surprise you decided you wanted me—all the time! You now run for me, you’ll even try to outrun Cruiz when you I enter a room. If I pick up Cruiz you become frustrated and grab my leg and cry. You’re emotional. So much at times, we’re not quite sure how to handle it, but I’m okay with it, I feel like we’re making up for lost time. :) You’ve become more affectionate, and the big slobbery kisses you freely give me have become the highlight of my day. And my heart officially melted when you reached up for me and said, “Momma,” your very first word. I was smitten.

Cannon, you have an irresistible grin. You share some of your sister’s best qualities, and I can’t help but stare and kiss your cheeks a million times a day. You are great with people, and have no problem making friends wherever you go. I love the way you look out for Cruiz, and tend to be the peacemaker in our family. I feel like you’ve been holding back, and are now just taking flight. Remember you can do anything, and that your Momma will always be right behind you, supporting you every step of the way.

Love you buddy,

Momma