July 16th

At the first of the month, I found myself at my in-laws house with my boys. My SIL Cara and I spent the day together, while our husbands went golfing. Later that evening, Pat had a city council meeting, and more family members showed up with their kids. I was attempting to feed the twins, and simultaneously keep an eye on Ledger as he ran around with cousins. As the older boys gravitated outside, it became very obvious I couldn’t keep an eye on Ledger while feeding both Cannon and Cruiz.

I panicked, it was too similar to the night we left Preslee. I told Ledger he had to come in, which led to a meltdown, he didn’t understand why he was the only kid who’s mom wouldn’t let him go outside to play. Shortly after, I knew I couldn’t do it by myself, so I packed up my kids as fast as I could and cried all the way home.

It was a horrible way to start the month, and left me with an abnormal amount of anxiety. 

Today marks four years since Preslee passed away.

Sometimes I’m not sure how we’ve made it this far without her,
but it’s our life, and we’ll continue on the best that we can.

And though most days I try to not let my grief consume me, I think it’s safe to say every once in awhile it’s okay to sit and cry, tune out the rest of the world, and surround ourselves with the little things that remind us of our daughter, and today is one of those days.

We miss you Monkey,
more than you know.