I’ve come to realize everyone will eventually know someone who experiences loss. Do you know how you'll react or what you will say?
I’ve written an article sharing some personal experiences for Familyshare.com
“I remember standing on the sidewalk next to a local shaved ice business, when I noticed someone approaching who had recently lost her father. I immediately panicked. A battle erupted inside my head. Do I say something, or do I avoid the topic? If I bring up tender feelings, will it ruin her day? I had very little experience with death at that point in my life, and didn’t have a clue what would be comforting to hear at such a trying time…”
Read the rest of the article here.
I always wonder what to say to someone who has a loss. the only thing I know to say is "Oh, I'm so sorry." and after that I have no idea what to say :-(
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written article.....I remember too the first time I said the words out loud, "My husband passed away." I almost fainted to hear myself say those words. I had someone at the viewing say to me, "I don't know what to say." I told that person, "you don't have to say anything at all because just being here tells me how you feel about me and about Richard." I find that most people really don't know what to say or do, but a hug, listening, saying "I'm sorry" really helps. Just being there helps. Just saying their name and recalling a memory of them helps. And mostly, it helps me to know he is not forgotten. I always, always say this...but I'll say it again. THE LOVE NEVER ENDS. I know we will see our loved ones again. You young mothers who have lost your beloved children will be able to raise them and nurture them someday. It will be so wonderful and beautiful to behold. Thanks, Ashley, for being so wise and so open about your loss, your love, your Preslee. I admire you so very much, mostly because of the faith you have in what you believe. I feel so blessed knowing that families are forever!! Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us blogger friends.
ReplyDeleteGreat article. I lost my Mom almost 9 yrs ago and I LOVE to talk about her and my Dad (lost him when I was 13) It keeps their memory alive because they did exist to me and always will. That's why I like reminiscing with my siblings. We get it! :)
ReplyDeleteBest to you and them boys :) xo
Excellent! Our extended family gets together twice a year. My son died 2 years ago, and not one person has mentioned his name at any of these events. It's like they want to pretend he didn't exist. I remember what it's like to not know what to say, so I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I want to hear his name!
ReplyDeleteGreat article, and very helpful. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteWell written. It's hard to put those kind of things into words. Very well done!
ReplyDeleteThis is the very best summation I've read. Thank you. Many people in my life stopped mentioning Maxie very early on. I love hearing that others remember and miss him too.
ReplyDeleteIt's not that we've forgotten your loved one when we don't mention them in your presence. We just don't want to bring your pain to the surface again and be the cause of your pain in that moment. We know you have those moments of sadness but you seem okay and happy right now so we don't want to ruin that for you. Instead of you hurting because of your loss we blame ourselves for hurting you by bringing it up. Because we love you, we don't want you to hurt anymore and when you cry we know you still hurt and we are powerless in taking that pain away from you. Does anybody understand what I'm trying to say? But...thanks to your post...we now know it's comforting to you to talk about it and know that we have not forgotten your loved one. Now I just wonder if everyone who suffers a loss feels the same as Ashley? How do we know which people want to talk and which prefer to have the pain not brought up that day?
ReplyDeleteI understand what you're saying. I don't want or need to talk about Preslee every time I see someone, but I think the message I was hoping to convey was it's okay to mention their name at least once. Even though Patrick doesn't really like to talk about it, appreciates when someone acknowledges Pres every once in awhile.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many people who live around us in our little town that never once said a word about losing Preslee. They would avoid us at all cost. Then they've acted awkward, and almost 3 years later, they still avoid us. I think a lot of relationships could have been saved if they would have just acknowledge Preslee, or the accident.
Does that make sense?
It sure does! I'm sorry this happens to you. It's a shame. I believe it's just uncomfortable for them. They don't know how to "be" around you. Perhaps they feel guilty (?? not sure if I used the right word) because they still have what you don't. They are the ones with the problem, not you. I hope you realize this even though it's painful for you. Again...I'm sorry it is this way for you and thank you for this post. It's been an eye-opener for me.
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