Growing up, I loved the water. I spent hours swimming in the Snake River behind my parent's house. When I was around 12 years old, I picked swimming lessons over all the other summer activities, and swam laps in Ricks College.
And then my daughter drowned, and I went through a phase where I hated it. I was terrified to take Ledger around it. Then one day it hit me, while I training for a triathlon. I can't live my life in fear for Ledger. Just because it scares me, doesn't mean it will scare him. I can't deny Ledger everyday opportunities because of what happened to his sister, it just wouldn't be fair. What if I would have missed out on swimming while growing up because I was placed in Ledger's situation? I would have missed out on a big part of my life.
Sometimes comments are left or e-mails are sent that leave me feeling criticized.
I understand that comes along with writing a blog, but I've come to the conclusion that many people expect me to fear anything that could possibly end in a bad situation for Ledger. And almost everything can end in a bad situation if you think about it. It's taken a lot of work for me to get where I am today.
One reoccurring comment deals with the fact I let Ledger go swimming. I think many people expect us to avoid water for the rest of our lives. And though we spent a lot of time swimming this past summer, it was still hard for me. I know even if Preslee would have known how to swim, the canal was moving too fast for a 18 month old to survive. As Ledger gets older, I want him to understand water. I want all of my kids to be strong swimmers. I think it will help reassure me.
After discussing this with Pat, we signed up for a Mommy & Me toddler swim class. The instructor owns her own pool, and is amazing. Ledger is a little young for the class, but it's been such a big thing for me to see that he no longer fears water in his face. When I used to see him panic in the water, my thoughts would turn to what Preslee endured in the canal, and I'd usually end up in tears.
(He now goes underwater about three times a lesson, and it doesn't seem to bother him anymore) These lessons have been a big deal for me, I feel like I'm taking control of my fear. And Ledger is doing great. We both look forward to lessons every Tuesday and Thursday.
He loves to swim!
Practicing rolling over from his stomach to his back.
Practicing holding on to the edge and walking along it with his hands.
Do we look alike? :)
Last lesson, he was able to pull himself out of the water all by himself.
He loves jumping back in.
Kicking while on his back.
The kids grab the balls...
and then put them in the bucket, practicing the front stroke movements.
If they are good, they get to go down the slide at the end.
I'm sure I'm saying, "Ledger, we need to be patient."
After the instructor catches the kids, the older ones are taken underwater with her.Then they work on climbing out of the pool.
It's been a process, a big process to overcome my fear.
Will I always be extra cautious? Definitely.
I'll continue to take it one step at a time.
The day Ledger asks me to float down a canal... well, that might be a different story.
We'll let that fear present itself when the situation arises.
We'll let that fear present itself when the situation arises.
I'm so sorry you have felt criticized by comments, bless you for rising above them. Our daughter (22 mos) has been in swim classes since she was 8 mos. My husband and I met in doing water sports, we are always around water so it was important that our girl felt comfortable around water. Most drownings involving older kids or adults are a result of panic so we realized how important it was to start swim lessons at an early age. PLUS I just read that children who start swim classes as toddlers, excel in school later in life!
ReplyDeleteAs Dory said in Finding Nemo; "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
:)
Brynn
good for you ashely! that must be an enormous fear to face and you are very strong for meeting it head on. i cannot imagine the pain and fear that you experience. i also cannot imagine that people would feel the need to criticize you in any way when you are obviously a very loving mother who suffered a terrible tragedy. we should always support each other and count our blessings.
ReplyDeleteYou're amazing Ashley, and I think that's so great that he's in swimming lessons with Natalie. You're a great mom and it's obvious that you just try to do what's best for Ledger and for people that can't understand that, well how sad for them that they feel the need to judge. I'm sorry you've felt criticized - know that for every criticizing comment you receive there are 3 million of us that think you're incredible and doing a great job! :)
ReplyDeleteYou are a strong, strong mom. I am in awe of you. It breaks my heart that you have felt criticized. You are constantly in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of how far you've come and how far your cute little family has come. I've read your blog since Preslee was in the hospital. I haven't ever commented. I love reading blogs and I hope to learn through each of them. Each of them inspire me. But one thing that upsets me is when the blog writer gets rude comments from readers. I feel so bad for you guys. We are so priviledged as readers to be able to get a glimpse of your life. We are not here to judge--no reader knows the whole situation. I am so sorry for the negative people :( I seriously hurt for you writers that deal with these people. I'm greatful you've continued to write and share your story with the public. I'm so glad you're taking him swimming. I'm sure there's lots of fear but I bet it is healing in a lot of unknown ways. You are doing awesome. You are such a great Mom!! You keep doing what you feel is best. You know more than anyone what's best for your family. You are great. Thank you again for sharing a glimpse of your life. I sincerely appreciate it. I love seeing the pictures as well. Have a great holiday season.
ReplyDeleteSincerely, Sarah
I love these pictures. I think it speaks volumes about you as a mother that you are working to allow Ledger to have experiences and overcoming your fears in the process. I'm glad he's enjoying the water :) I'm currently pregnant with my third child, I lost my twins a year ago at 26 weeks. I worry constantly about how my anxiety and fears will affect this child. I hope that I can look at stories like yours and have the strength to allow my child to play and experience life without fear. Thank you for your blog and your honesty.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing Ashley!! I worry about myself when I have another child. Will I be paranoid...I don't know. Who would have imagined that a stupid fence could fall on Dakota and leave him the way he is. There is a million and one things that could happen to a child...to anyone...but I think that Dakota and Preslee had a plan from the beginning...that their lives would take them down those paths to teach everyone else...especially us as their parents...to make us better. So whether it's a canal, a fence, a car accident, cancer, ANYTHING if it's part of our Heavenly Father's plan...there is no stopping it no matter what we do!
ReplyDeleteShame on people for saying you shouldn't let Ledger swim. That's like saying he shouldn't be allowed to ride in a car for fear of crashing, eating in fear of choking or using stairs in case of falling. You are doing a wonderful job with him.
ReplyDeleteYou are a very strong woman. Take all the negativity like a very very small grain of salt. What you went through with Preslee is unimaginable, and there will always be that extra need to protect Ledger, and if anything it will make you a better mother. Total different circumstance and situation, but my son had some really bad experiences with biting and bullying at a daycare, so to protect him I pulled him out and had him in a in-home setting for about a year and a half, he is only 2 right now and all the bullying was from older kids when he was about 6-7 months. Shocking I know. He just started back and I thought for sure he would be scared to be left there again, but it was more my fear of him being hurt again. Long story short, after today only being his 3rd day he loves it and says "Yay!" the whole way there. My whole point to this comment is that even though what happens in the past will always be there, it does not have to define what happens in the future, if that makes sense. You are a very stron and amazing mother for giving Ledger the chance at swim lessons at a young age after everything that has happened with preslee, and these moments you have with him will be a memory you will cherish forever.
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for taking control of your fear. Nothing can hold you back that you don't allow to do so, and I think it is amazing that you are making the decision to move forward with Ledger. Can't wait to see more swimming pics!
ReplyDeleteAs you already know, I think you are amazing! And I think swim lessons are very important for any child in any situation! So keep doing what you do best - being a great mother. We love you
ReplyDeleteSo I have never commented on your blog and I have followed you since Preslee was in the hospital. I just have to say You are awesome. You are a hero for facing your fears. What a blessing you must be to Ledger and Preslee. I think it's even better that you're putting him in lessons and going over what I imagine is a huge mountain! Good for you!
ReplyDeleteAshley, all the photos you posted show how much fun you and Ledger are both having in the pool. You both are so happy with beautiful smiles on your faces. To me, that says it all :) I think Preslee is happy for you as well, her momma is such a strong lady!
ReplyDeleteI don't know why people feel they need to make rude comments. Unfortunatley, death can occur at anytime in any mannor. I admire you for trying to overcome your fear and giving Ledger a life not restricted to what happened to Preslee.
ReplyDeleteWhat if Preslee had died in a car accident, would the people that criticize think you shouldn't get in a car again or Ledger ride in one?
I pray for you and your family and for the ones that criticize. How sad to make comments such as those.
you are one strong mama, ashley. i applaud you for doing what you think is best for your little family and rising above the negative comments and emails you have received.
ReplyDeletewe did swim lessons for the first time with our little guy last summer. he seemed to enjoy it! and it was good for me too, as i tend to be a little scared of water.
thanks for sharing all of your experiences and being so open and honest.
I am sure each readers opinion you take with a grain of salt, but I think you are 100% doing what you should! A normal thing to do when we fear something, is to face it...and that's what you are doing. And based on the pictures you both are enjoying it! In the past 6 months that I have been reading, I have learned a few things about you. You are so brave and so strong. And you have a very special place in my heart!
ReplyDeleteAlways in my thoughts Ashley!
you are an amazing mother!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing the absolute right and responsible thing here. The fact of the matter is, drowning IS the most common cause of parents losing children in this country. The best thing you can do to prevent it is NOT to lock your child in a room until they are 18. The best thing you can do is to teach them how to swim, and survival skills for the water, and to RESPECT the water. I don't know about your area, but here they make a big deal out of infant survival swim lessons- they teach children who fall into pools or lakes to flip over on to their back and float, from just a few months old. Then the child is taught to cry until an adult hears them and comes and gets them. Preslee's experience was unique, and as you said, the water was fast, but Ledg should be raised to know and respect and even love the water. You are doing the right thing.
ReplyDeleteI can't agree more with everyone's comments. You are strong and brave and you are so wise to not let your fear become Ledger's fears. Life threw you a terrible loss but when I see the smile on your face and your son's cute cheesy grin, I can see that your love for him is so much bigger than your fears. Love makes us do all sorts of things we don't want to do. Thanks for sharing and don't let anyone tell you how to live your life or what experiences you need for your son to enjoy. A mother knows best and you, my friend, are a special and wonderful mother. What a great example you set for all of us---to be brave and fight your fears. Your Preslee must be so proud of her parents and her brother.
ReplyDelete"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway." -Eleanor Roosevelt
ReplyDeleteI think what you're doing is awesome, smart and brave. What better way to take control and keep Ledger safe than by teaching him to swim and making him comfortable in the water. And I'm glad you will be able to be more comfortable with him near water because you're doing what you can as a mother to teach him about it.
You're an amazing mother. Your love for Ledger shines through in every picture. He's a lucky boy. :)
You go! I think it's awesome you are taking control of your fears and not allowing them to control you or you family's life. Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to keep their opinion to themselves.
ReplyDeleteIf we all let our circumstances and fear control our daily lives we would never get out of bed in the morning. While I personally think it's totally fine for you to be cautious, it's also important for you to push yourself even when it's hard.
ReplyDeleteWe serve an audience of one. In Christ fear has no place. So very proud of you.
So proud of you...thanks for sharing your journey. Because of you, I often think, "I can do hard things." Let the negative, fearful blog comments go. It's your journey and you're walking it in the best way you know--courageously, from my perspective. God bless!
ReplyDeleteGoodness - can't believe people are critical of you teaching Ledger to swim. I just think you are so brave to overcome your fears so that he will have this vital skill. And I'm so pleased that after all you've been through the photos show you enjoying the water with your little man.
ReplyDeleteWhats right for one family might not be right for another. When it comes to parenting others need to butt out, unless asked for their advice. Trust me, they wouldn't like someone getting up in their business. Keep doing what feels right for you and yours. Oh, by the way, you look really pretty in these pictures. Mr. Sledge is just adorable! :-)
ReplyDeleteConquering our fears takes one step at a time! Bravo!
ReplyDeleteI think you are the best mom ever!! I admire you so much and how fun for you and your little guy to spend that time together! :)
ReplyDeleteGood for you for facing your fears head on!
ReplyDeleteYou are Truly Amazing!! You both look extremely happy!
ReplyDeleteWe don't know each other (I found your blog through a friend of a friend over the summer) and I've been following your story ever since.
ReplyDeleteI've never commented, but I had to say good for you on this post. It's a good thing for you to face your fears, and it's a good thing for Ledger to know how to swim. Win win. Plus there's nothing cuter than little kids in swimming classes--my nephew's a couple years older than Ledger and I spent a good part of this past summer taking him to swim lessons. It was adorable. I'm so happy that you and Ledger are having so much fun!
And since this is the first time I'm commenting, I want to say that I am so sorry you lost your daughter. You and your family have been in my prayers since I read your story.
We don't know each other--I found your blog through a friend of a friend over the summer, and I've been checking back now and then ever since.
ReplyDeleteI never comment but I felt like I had to say good for you on this post. It's a great thing for you to face your fears, because if your fears are in control, you can't really function as a human being. And it's great for Ledger to learn how to swim! Plus there's really not much cuter than a toddler swim class--I have a nephew who just turned 4, and I spent a lot of time last summer taking him to his swim lessons. It was precious! These will be great memories for you and your little boy.
And since I've never commented before, I want to say that I am so sorry you lost your daughter. You and your family have been in my prayers since I found this blog, and I wish all of you well.
I've never commented but want to thank you for your blog. It reminds me to enjoy every precious minute with my kids (Cole is almost 2, Claire is 6 months). Preslee is beautiful beyond words! Ledger is too much for me!! I loved the picture of him crawling out of the pool.
ReplyDeleteI wish others who read this blog could know you in person. You are amazing and how silly of them to think you should avoid the water. Remember last night? Your "personal" progress is no one else's business! ;)
ReplyDeleteNot to mention he is the CUTEST happiest little man at swimming! That was so cute how happy he got with Kayson the other day! You are such a great mother
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing to me! Truly amazing! You are so unselfish! Even though you fear, you still let your son enjoy something you know he will enjoy.... I Love every single picture! Ledger is adorable... and you are gorgeous! Love ya girl!
ReplyDeleteI think you are absolutely amazing, and I applaud you for the the strength I'm sure it's taken you to approach the water with your sweet Ledger. You are so inspiring to me!!
ReplyDeleteMy name is Catherine. My son's teacher lead me to your blog. Tears pored down my eyes as I read about you losing your daughter. Today marks the 7 month annivesary of losing my 14 year old son Ryan. We went through so many of the same things you did at PCMC. This has been an amazing and difficult journey and it gives me comfort and strength to read about yours. Thank you for sharing and for your testimony and courage. I am so sorry you had to go through this as well but it gives me comfort to know what I am feeling is normal and I will make it. You have such a beautiful family and I am so grateful we will be with our children again some day. Catherine
ReplyDeleteI commend you for taking this step to begin to teach Ledger how to swim. In my opinion, it's a LIFE skill. Everyone should know how to swim. Good for you for tackling your fears and not letting this hold Ledger back.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! That is a big fear to overcome and you are facing it head-on. I agree that we can't live our lives in fear. Something bad can happen to any of us at anytime. We'd only be safe if we never left home I suppose. Thanks for sharing your story with us!
ReplyDeleteDon't pay attention to criticism. The way you are battling with your - oh so understandable - fears is worth an applause. Putting Ledger first : you are such a good, brave, mom/person. I do admire you.
ReplyDeleteLike many others you don't know me - I am constantly amazed at the things we as humans say to each other. Whether someone is/has experienced death, divorce, sickness, dificult pregnancy, wayward children, what ever it is it seems people always assume they know the story and they know whats best. I hope I have learned thru my own trials not to be judgemental of others - especially out loud! I am so sorry others have been critical. I hope you will see from the joy you bring your son that you are doing what is best for him. We can't prevent heartache be it physical, spiritual, or emotional but we can do our best to turn it over to the Lord when it does come our way. I hope you will feel peace during this holiday season and feel the love of your sweet daughter close to you as I am sure she is. Merry Christmas Sullengers - there are many who though we don't know your personally think of you often and hope for the best in you and your family's life. Karin
ReplyDeleteMy son had a near drowning at 3 yrs old and water has been such a fear for me ever since especially living in Arizona. As a result, I have put all of my kids in survival swimming lessons and it has given me a little more peace of mind around water. My youngest learned how to swim at 16 months old! All my kids are fishes now and one of our favorite things is going to our community pool. I'm glad you decided to also take the fear head on! I admire you and love your blog!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I am sorry that you have had some not so nice comments. You are the one living your life and your actions only really matter to you and those that love you. I have to say though, I had so much admiration for you for doing this. I would think getting into ther water with your son had to be a hard thing to do. I think it is a very brave thing to do.
ReplyDeleteLove all these pics! He looks like he's totally loving it! We love you guys!
ReplyDeleteI love this post! You are an amazing mother and I love that you are facing your fears head on! That just shows that when Heavenly Father gave you this challenge he knew you could handle it. Of course that doesn't mean that it will be EASY, just that you can handle it! Way to go!
ReplyDeleteThis post really got to me and I am crying. All I can think of writing is BRAVO ASHLEY!! BRAVO!!! You are SO, SO strong!!
ReplyDeleteThis post really got to me. All I can think to write is BRAVO!!! You are SO, SO STRONG!!
ReplyDeleteYou know, before I read the actual words to this post and was only looking at the pictures, I thought what I have often thought about you and that is "My God, she's so brave!" You are an inspiration to me. Your grace and strength through what I think is an unspeakable loss often leaves me breathless. I am so proud of you!!! I am so proud that you are teaching Ledger to love the water and to swim! I am so proud that you have faced down your fear and what must be a seemingly never ending ache. I just wanted you to know this. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteAshley, you are so inspiring. I never thought to put my kids in swimming lessons until they are a bit older but because of you and your example, I'd like to put my little one in swimming lessons when she is two next summer. I live in the same area as you and the place you went for lessons sounds wonderful. Would you be able to provide me with her info so I can look further into it?
ReplyDeleteI was so sad to learn the instructor is moving to Hawaii. Her husband got a job teaching over there. This area definitely needs more options!
DeleteBUMMER! I have been so excited ever since you wrote this post. Well, if you hear of any other good options, would you mind sharing? I don't even know where to begin.
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