I have a love/hate relationship with December. There's something magical about the Christmas season, celebrating Christ's birth, and partying it up for Patrick's Birthday, but celebrating another Christmas, and especially another Birthday without Preslee is painfully overwhelming.
And to add to the events, on the 14th, Ledger will turn 18 months, which is the same age Preslee passed away. Just the thought of Ledger reaching 18 months 3 days before Preslee's Birthday shoots my anxiety through the roof.
As I watch Ledger grow, I realize in a short time, he will reach milestones Preslee never did. And though having two separate family pictures up next to one another, one with Preslee, and the other with Ledger looks fine now, I'm not quite sure how I'll feel about it when Ledger and anymore children to come are fully grown. It might just look out of place. As I was thinking about all of this a few months ago, I came up with a plan. A couple of days before Ledger turned 15 months, my friend Kassie let me book a session for sledgehammer, the same age Preslee was when we had her last photo shoot. I realized by doing this, I can create a wall with all my children and Preslee will never look out of place as a toddler.
And so far, I'm in love with the two that I have.
Thank you Kassie at Kassie Crapo Photography for taking such incredible photos! I'm in love with each and every one! When Pat hung up Ledgers, I couldn't help but cry.
And of course a couple funny ones...
Ledger, I'm sure I'll say this until the day I die, but I don't think you'll truly ever understand how much you saved me. Your jabbering, slobbery kisses, destructive boy personality, and even the reoccurring tantrums gives your momma a reason to live.
I don't know where I'd be without you.
I don't know where I'd be without you.
Love you.
You are such an inspiration to me!!
ReplyDeleteLedger looks so much like you, Ashley. He's a very handsome little boy. :)
ReplyDeleteThose pictures are beautiful Ashley and he looks so perfect next to Preslee on the wall. Know that you're in our prayers this December and I hope you can feel some peace and know that you are loved!
ReplyDeleteThis post brought tears to my eyes this morning. Love the photos and praying for you more through this difficult month.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh those pictures are beautiful! Your son is adorable! (i'm pretty sure i've said that before)
ReplyDeleteHe is so cute!! What a good idea for the pictures on the wall, thinking of you a lot!
ReplyDeleteLove all those pics! He couldn't be cuter!! Be thinking of y'all this month!
ReplyDeleteMaybe it will be easier thn you think?!
He is so adorable.
ReplyDeleteyou have such beautiful children!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are a amazing woman an mother. I lost my baby 19 years ago at birth and this summer after having a few wonderful weeks with my adoptive daughter her birth mother change her mind. Even though Saylor is still alive I grieve her and miss her beyond words. There is nothing worse then losing a child. Thank you for being so honest and raw. I wish there were Blogs like this all those years ago when I lost Aaron.
ReplyDeleteI love your idea of having pictures of ALL of your children at the age of 15 months. You have beautiful children! I know this might sound weird but Ledger looks like a little mini Anderson Cooper {especially the ones with the yellow background}! So cute! :o)
ReplyDeletemy first thought was anderson cooper with those same pics! so cute!
DeleteI love this! I wrote it below, but I think Anderson Cooper is a great looking guy, so I'm flattered as Ledger's mom :)
DeleteWhat a wonderful idea! Your children are beautiful. May Heavenly Father bless you with peace and happiness this Christmas Season.
ReplyDeleteI love them all, Kassie did a great job! And I love the two of the kids side by side on the wall, it's perfect. I wanted to cry too. Hang in there this month, you are always in our prayers. And we are excited to see you guys in a few weeks, the girls can't wait to give Ledger his Christmas present!
ReplyDeleteHe is adorable!!
ReplyDeleteThose pictures turned out so fabulous!!!
ReplyDeleteomg he is so precious! and i was reading the other comments before i posted mine because i wondered if it was weird to tell you how much ledger looks like anderson cooper in those first two plaid shirt photos! and i think anderson is a very handsome man! i'm glad to see someone else thought the same thing :)
ReplyDeleteI love this! I too think Anderson Cooper is a nice looking guy, so I'm flattered as Ledger's mom!
DeleteWow, these pictures are so fun and amazing! I have been thinking a lot about you and your family lately. Maybe in anticipation of a more anxious/difficult season for you. I will be praying fervently for you and your family Ashley. I will be praying that an overwhelming and unexplainable joy fills you over the next few weeks.
ReplyDeleteI can only pray that God shows you even more of himself this season, that He gives you another small glimpse into His perfect plan and how you, your husband, and kids fit into that plan.
All of the pictures are so great, especially the one of the two of you. The 15 month wall is so beautiful and such a great idea.
ReplyDeleteWhat adorable pictures. Love them! What a great idea with taking pictures of your kids all at the same age. You amaze me at all the memories you are always making, thinking of and sharing. I really got to get the camera out more. :)
ReplyDeleteI love all the pictures of Ledger, he is such a cute boy (love love the one of you and him). I have been thinking a lot about you lately, knowing that December is here again and how much you miss that sweet little girl of yours. I can't imagine the true pain and emptiness you feel, but I can pray that our savior will keep you close to him this holiday season and help you hold strong. I am sure you are in some what of a fear with Ledger getting older than Preslee, but there will come a time when you will get to raise Pres and see her grow and change just like your other kids. Ashley, I admire you, your honestly has helped my testimony grow so much. I do wish you a Happy Holiday Season
ReplyDeleteThe pictures are adorable and I love your idea of having all your children's pictures taken at 15 months. My little brother passed away and we realized that we didn't have a single picture with all of us, he came after a lot of us were grown. When we took family pictures after that, we held a picture of him so that he would be in our pictures too. I know it's not the same, but it's something, just a thought
ReplyDeleteBeautiful photos! I'm so glad that you have them at the same age. Lots of love to,you this month as I know how hard it is xxx
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful idea to have a wall of all your babies! Preslee and Ledger both look adorable. As Ledger reaches new milestones as a toddler, you will also grow, and Preslee too! Your family is in this together, and I know Preslee will be near as you celebrate Her birthday, Patricks, Ledger turning 18 months, and the birth of Christ. Praying for your heart to be calm- anxiety is not easy. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.
ReplyDeleteSuch a darling darling boy! I love alll the pictures! I think about you all the time, love ya girl!
ReplyDeleteTears. I pray you will have peace and comfort during this time when it's hard to celebrate without your beautiful Preslee. I love the 15 month picture idea. Your children are beautiful. I'm so glad Ledger has brought so much light back into your life. I saw you in Walmart a couple weeks ago and wanted to say hi...but figured I would just leave you alone. :) I greatly appreciate your blog and your testimony. I hope your family has a very Merry Christmas.
ReplyDeleteMy son passed away when he was 2 months and 27 days old, we now have a 6 month old daughter and I remember so vividly the night she turned 2 months and 27 days, I was a wreck. I will be sending you prayers from our family as we know the anxiety it can cause. If you are interested here is the link to the post I did after that night.
ReplyDeletehttp://chipmanstaketwo.blogspot.com/2012/08/have-little-faith.html
lindsay chipman
The pictures look beautiful next to each other. Maybe you should invest in a few more frames like those if you are planning to have more children?
ReplyDeleteGood idea, hadn't really thought of that yet. Thanks!
DeleteWhat a precious little boy. The pictures take my breath away. He looks so loved and so happy. I love your idea of the pictues with Preslee. They are stunning!
ReplyDeleteThese photos are so good!
ReplyDeleteThought of you when I read this today :)
ReplyDeleteThe Prophet Joseph Smith taught this comforting doctrine: "The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again."
Love, love, love this! Thank you!
DeleteGreat idea! I'm so glad you thought of this now so that you can be sure to get them all at 15 months... tender mercy. Beautiful pictures!
ReplyDeleteWhat a GREAT idea! I just might have to do the same!
ReplyDelete