Change

Just after Preslee's funeral, I remember talking to someone who had lost their child years before. They said, "Man, I'm glad I am four years out, I'd hate to be starting all over again." The first thought that came to my mind was, "But I'm the lucky one, I was able to hold and talk to my child just a few weeks ago, it's been years for you." I honestly wondered how they had lived that long without their daughter, because the pain I was feeling was overhwelming.

Death changed everything in my life. It changed our home, relationships, my way of thinking, my level of spirituality, our finances, my body - stress attributed to gray hairs, break outs, and weight gain, it changed my sleeping patterns, concentration, attitude, self esteem, and about everything else it could. I felt like everything that I knew in my life had been buried along with Preslee and I was drastically trying to hold on to anything that had stayed the same- I remember trying to find a constant in my life.

With a lot of failed attempts because I was looking in the wrong places, I finally realized Christ was my constant, continually waiting for me to come to Him.

3 Nephi 9:14

 Yea, verily I say unto you, if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me.

I remember the minutes passing by like hours, constantly feeling sick to my stomach, and understanding what people meant when they talked about heavy burdens being placed upon their shoulders and heartache.

President Eyring teaches:

^"If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing. In all conditions, we can choose the right with the guidance of the Spirit. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ to shape and guide our lives if we choose it. And with prophets revealing to us our place in the plan of salvation, we can live with perfect hope and a feeling of peace. We never need to feel that we are alone or unloved in the Lord’s service because we never are. We can feel the love of God. The Savior has promised angels on our left and our right to bear us up. And He always keeps His word."

Read the rest of the talk here.

I've heard of so many sweet children passing away lately. My heart goes out to all of the hurting Mom's. I know you're missing your baby, missing your old life, and thinking life will never be enjoyed again. When that burden seems too heavy to bare, remember to pray. Just like President Eyring teaches, you are never alone, Christ is waiting for you, and the angels on our left and our right are often times your child you so drastically miss.

Rose Kennedy said:  

 Losing your child changes everything about your life and knocks you off your feet. It takes time, (years) for you to regain your balance, (I'm just beginning to find mine) but you never ever forget. And if you have faith, and take the first few steps by yourself, God will be able to create a miracle out of your life that may have otherwise just have been ordinary. And with time, I feel my own scar tissue thickening and I've come to understand what I was told just after the funeral.

Hang in there.
It gets better.
Sending lots of love and prayers to many of you.