It's hard to believe two years ago today, our world was forever turned upside down when we received a phone call letting us know there had been an accident...
What I wouldn't do to hold my daughter again.
Holding Preslee in the hospital was such a rare blessing, that I literally held her as long as the nurses allowed me to. Pat was so selfless, and continually sacrificed his turn to let me hold her, just in case it was the last time.
The last night the three of us spent together as a family, I held her until the wires and tubes were a tangled mess, and she was slipping off my lap. I cried out for help, and the sweet nurse walked in, picked her up, and placed her in bed. She quietly turned around and told me I could lay next to her. I immediately began to sob as I climbed into bed and wrapped my arms around my little girl. The nurse placed a blanket over top of us and tucked us in together. I thought about how our roles had reversed for the night, as I was now the one crying myself to sleep.
The last night the three of us spent together as a family, I held her until the wires and tubes were a tangled mess, and she was slipping off my lap. I cried out for help, and the sweet nurse walked in, picked her up, and placed her in bed. She quietly turned around and told me I could lay next to her. I immediately began to sob as I climbed into bed and wrapped my arms around my little girl. The nurse placed a blanket over top of us and tucked us in together. I thought about how our roles had reversed for the night, as I was now the one crying myself to sleep.
I'm still not sure why this is our story, but it is...
I hope this week passes by quickly.
I hope this week passes by quickly.
We love you Preslee.
I hope you get by this week too - I wish I could offer so much more than just my sincere thoughts.
ReplyDeleteMany prayers for you this week. Im so sorry this is your story also. you are a very strong couple and an inspiration although im sure you would anything not to be and just be a family of 4.
ReplyDeletexxxx
I have been thinking of you guys a lot this week. Sending prayers your way
ReplyDeleteWishing you love and peace this week. Saying prayers for you and Pat.
ReplyDeleteMy heart still breaks for you! I cannot even imagine what you are feeling. You are so strong and I am so impressed by your faith and perspective. Prayers for your family!
ReplyDeleteI remember holding my sweet boy for the first time with his breathing tube. I was desperate to hold him but was so afraid of his discomfort. He is still with is and I am grateful every single day. I wish so much it could have been the same for you but you are an amazingly strong woman who keeps trudging forward. I can see you receiving an incredible reward in heaven for your goodness and love when you could react so differently. You are a wonderful person who inspires and comforts countless people. I will pray this week goes quickly as well.
ReplyDeleteKeep busy this week with fun crafts-- doing service to others even if its just a phone call to someone out there it will make both of your days and don't forget to give hugs to those two handsome guys in your life as well
ReplyDeleteWill keep you in our thoughts and prayers for the weekend to come quick they always have something fun to do...
Thinking of you. You are so strong! And such a great example!!
ReplyDeleteMany prayers to you now and especially this week.
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers to you today and always.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. Thinking of you today.
ReplyDeletePrayers are being said for your sweet family this week. You are thought about daily!
ReplyDeleteI'll be thinking of you and hoping lots of "angels" including your sweet beautiful little angel Preslee is nearby you, especially this week. I know those who have gone on to the next step, the next life, are closer than we think. May the Lord's tender mercies be with you and comfort you this week. Hang in there Ashley. You are loved!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm am so amazed at your strength and faith and ability to endure such a hard trial. You are an inspiration to us all.
ReplyDeleteThe story is heard. Your pain is felt. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteMay you find the comfort you need to get through this day. And when you are at your all time low, just look at that beautiful little boy.
Prayers will be sent your way.
Two years later and my heart still breaks every time I think about this. Your story touched me the minute I heard it and I still think about you and Preslee every day and have for 2 years now. My prayers are joined with others that you and Pat have comfort and peace this week. Your story and your example has touched so many - you are amazing!
ReplyDeleteI've been following your Blog for some time now (from Canada!) - loving the stories you share and being ever thankful for what I have and always reminded to never take advantage of all the good things no matter how simple.
ReplyDeleteI hope this week passes you by quickly and leaves you with only happy memories of Preslee.
{{hugs}} to you all!
Prayers of comfort sent you way. I cannot imagine your pain, but do pray that our Father in Heaven will keep you close this week, while you struggle with your life without your beautiful daughter. Thanks for your strong faith, you have taught me so much and I don't even really know you. But I have learned to never take one day for granted with my kids and my husband. So thankful we all have family on this earth to lean on :)
ReplyDeleteGosh-that is so heartbreaking. I wish no one had to go through the loss of a child. Please know that all these strangers out here love and think about you often.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Ashley - know that everyone is praying for you.
ReplyDeletethinking about you guys this week. sending prayers your way & hope you may be comforted.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could say something that would make it easier for you. Thinking of you x
ReplyDeleteOh Dear, Ashley....You are an absolutely amazing young woman. I have been reading your blog since just after the accident. I have been sooooo incredibly impressed with the spiritual grown that I have seen you achieve. (Something that I pray I NEVER get to achieve.) You have, no doubt, inspired so many people (as you have me) & I hope that you know that. Your profound insight & testimony about life & (unfortunately) death is remarkable. Our Heavenly Father must be so proud of you for taking all that gut-wrenching pain & sharing it with all of us.
ReplyDeleteI do so look forward to your posts, even when I find myself crying myself into oblivion at your heartbreak & then again as I reread your post to my husband. That sweet little angel girl & now that funny little boy are blessed to have you as their Mommy.
Prayers of comfort for you & Pat during this difficult week.
Stay strong....Love long.
Prayers as you remember that dreadful day. God is good...all the time.
ReplyDeleteI have been a reader since just after the accident. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you feel at the loss of your sweet daughter. I have been dealing with a different type of grief, but reading your blog has helped give me perspective. If you can do hard things, so can I! I know that you never would have chosen this path, but from the bottom of my heart....THANK YOU for being a true and amazing example of how to walk through grief. I am sure you have touched countless people by continuing to share your story and your heart with us. I hope that, as well as your faith, brings your heart some comfort. Sending love and hugs on this very difficult day. <3
ReplyDeleteGod bless you and pat and sweet ledger too. my heart breaks for you...
ReplyDeleteWishing you some peace this week. I can't imagine. Saying prayers for you're lovely family.
ReplyDelete{{Hugs}}
Lori
I will pray for your family this week.
ReplyDeletePreslee is a Child of God. And He sent her here. Has given her an earthly home, with Parents (and Ledger) so kind and dear.
ReplyDeleteLead, Guide, Walk Beside, Help others find the way.
Teach us all that we must do, know, and love.
To Live with HIM someday.
May you remember that the Lord Heavenly Father knows you and your family personally and will guide you through the hard times, and all other times.
I have followed your story for these hard two years and want you to know my thoughts are with you guys. This post made me cry and made my heart literally ache. I can only imagine the ache in your heart. Hold that ledger tight this week and breath in his sweet baby smell...I hope you receive relief from all the prayers coming your way. There will be some from me.
ReplyDeleteSending many, many prayers and hugs from Louisville Ky.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you this week. I saw you at Target recently and thought to myself "I want to say hi to her, but she would not know who I am" Whitney Wightman Harris is a friend of mine and introduced me to your blog when the accident happened so we could pray for you. I have been so grateful she did. You make me appreciate every day as a mother. Thank you for your story. You will hold her again one day- this I am sure. Praying for you once again this week.
ReplyDeletemy heart goes out to you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. IT's nine months since my son Noah died and five months since my husband died and it's so tough. I'm not sure why it's my story either. Hoping the week goes fast for you xoxox
ReplyDeleteOh Ashley!!!
ReplyDeleteI didnt even realize, before I read this I posted my newest poas and it was all about Preslee and Tanner missing her.... It is so sweet how much he still talks about you all. You are always in our thoughts and Prayers.. we LOVE you guys!!!
Thinking of you and your family today and that God provides you comfort and a tender mercy. My heart still aches for you an sweet Preslee.
ReplyDeletePrayers for you for your continued endurance and for peace. There is no easy way to grieve for a child ... no right way. I pray that your hearts will be comforted.
ReplyDeleteAshley, You don't know me. But I read your blog religiously. Two weeks ago we had to sit in the ICU at primary children's hospital and say goodbye to my sweet 17 year old niece. I thought of you as I sat by her side. It was bittersweet thinking about how everything you have written about that hospital and staff was true. They are AMAZING! I can't imagine what it was like to go through what you've gone through. I pray for the comfort of you and your family. We are so so blessed to have His gospel in our lives and the knowledge we have of eternal families. May our dear Lord be with you during this tough week and always.
ReplyDeletemy heart aches for you. you are such a strong, encouraging woman for sharing your story time and time again. i admire you and patrick so much.
ReplyDeleteIf only you didn't have to re-live every moment of that week! I'm praying the week comes and goes quickly for you!
ReplyDeleteYou and your family will certainly be in my prayers. It's evident how incredibly loved Preslee was AND still is!!!
ReplyDeleteThis makes me so sad. I can see myself in that picture so clearly. We just hit our 2 month mark of losing our sweet Quincy and I still can't believe it's our story either. I hate that it is. But hearing from others that have gotten farther than me in this trial gives me hope that life goes on. I didn't lay by her but got to hold her too, something I will always cherish. Don't know why we have to lose these perfect little ones but so happy we get to raise them again from where we left off. My prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and your family this week! I hope it passes quickly for you also. You're in our prayers!
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about you all day. You are so sweet, and I admire you so much. You're in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI am speechless. The words just do not come. But my tears do.
ReplyDeleteAshley-
ReplyDeleteI was at a junior olympic national championship gymnastics competion all day today with my twins. It was a crazy busy day but for some reason, God put Preslee on my heart today. I sat there in an arena filled with thousands of people, anxious for my girls to perform well and yet sweet Pres kept coming into my thoughts. I just got home and checked your blog to see if today was the day...and it was. I don't know why your daughter has touched my life in such a profound way but she has.
I'm not sure why this is your story either. 4 years later, I'm not sure why this is my story as well. I don't get it. I know that I will never get it this side of Heaven but we will get to hold our sweet babies for eternity. THat's what I try to focus on.
I hope that this week is gentle on you and your friends and family lift you up (and carry you if need be). I wish that you lived closer so that I could give you a hug sweet mama.
With love...and tears,
Trisha
I read your blog in silence and my heart breaks for you. I too lost my 7 month old baby daughter 6 years ago in an accident. I find comfort in my 4 year old daughter,she eases my pain. Sometimes I have to look back and think Is this really my life because it doesn't seem possible that I had enough strenght to get through 6 years without her. But I have to for my 4 year old. And I'm so glad you have your little joy Ledger. He will be your strength and your rock. Who knew something so tiny could bring you through something so tragic. I know my daughter has me. She was born 18 months after Kamdyn passed away and she has been my life saver.. she made me get out of the bed when i didnt want to..i want to be there for her and live for her.i always think "what might have been..but I will never know" .Much love from ashland ,kentucky as you get through this difficult week.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about you these past few days. We will keep you in our prayers. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I think of your little family quite often. Pictures like this tear my heart out. I can only imagine what it's like living every day with the pain of missing my child. It makes me sob just thinking about it. I pray you find comfort during this week. You're strong and such an amazing example.
ReplyDeleteI think of you guys almost everyday. I hope this week is bearable for you...this time of the year always puts me on edge. :( I look up to you soooo much. I wish you never had to have this story, but you guys are some of the most elect to be given these trials. You can and HAVE done hard things. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. :)
ReplyDeletepat and ash- my heart aches for you guys, Im so sorry!! We are thinking and praying for your family. We sure do love you!
ReplyDeleteAsh,
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking you of all day today. Memories have been flooding to my mind, reliving the tragic day all over again. We miss that sweet baby girl so much, it hurts. We love you both so much and wish so badly that we could take your pain away. We will continue to pray for your little family that you can endure this next year. I'm sure Ledger will be wrapped in your arms most of this week. What a blessing he is to us all. Love Jamie and Linsy
Just remember your motto: "You can do hard things". Praying for you and your beautiful family.
ReplyDeleteYOU ARE ONE STRONG MOMMA! I LOVE YOUR STRENGTH AND YOUR TESTIMONY STRENGTHENS MY OWN. WATCHING OTHERS LIKE YOU KEEP ENDURING TO THE END HELPS OTHERS LIKE ME! WE ARE COMING UP ON OUR (1) YEAR MARK AND THIS WHOLE MONTH HAS BEEN A STRUGGLE, BUT MINE IS DWELLING AROUND ONE DAY OF THE MONTH NOT A WEEK OF RELIVING THE PAIN ALL OVER AGAIN. MY PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY! THANKS AGAIN FOR YOUR INSPIRATION!
ReplyDeleteI think about you often as I've been following your story from the beginning. I hope you are given much comfort during this hard week. A friend lost a nephew in an accident last week, (http://www.ksl.com/?sid=21185987&nid=148&title=rescuers-still-searching-for-boy-who-drowned-in-wyoming-river&s_cid=featured-1) and I thought of you. He posted a quote that has helped his family, and I felt impressed to share it with you here:
ReplyDelete"The Lord takes many away even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on this earth. Therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil and we shall have them again. The only difference between the old and the young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory than the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable world.". - Joseph Smith
Praying for both of you to feel peace and comfort so you can get through this week. Love you guys and think of you often. Take care.
ReplyDeleteKassie & Shad
Keeping you and your sweet family in my prayers all the time especially this week!! I also dont know why people loose children it isnt fair. Such a hard road to travel. Thank you for your example you make me want to do bettet through my child loss as well. HuGs mama!
ReplyDeletelove you ash!! i hate that it had to be your story too!! not fair sometimes!!
ReplyDeleteOh Ash, my heart brakes for you every day. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. We will never truly know why some things happen to us, but I am so grateful for the gospel and the knowledge that sweet Preslee is wrapped in or Savior's arms watching over her sweet family from heaven.
ReplyDeleteI can relate so well to this moment. I remember crawling onto a bed to snuggle my little baby for the last time. It is a gutwrenching, yet also beautiful moment that I will never ever forget. I hope you feel surrounded by angels this week. Especially your little Preslee Jo angel.
ReplyDeleteyou are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeletethis song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vMYP4uJAqY) was playing on my computer when I went to your blog today. We may not know what God's plan is for us, but we are HIS.
Love you, thinking of you everyday and also wishing the week would just fly by.
ReplyDeleteAshley, I just wanted to let you know that as much as I, like so many others wish this didn't have to be your story too, I am so thankful that you have allowed Preslee to live on through you. You and Preslee have worked together for the past two years as angels in my life, and together you have changed me forever as a mom, wife and person. I've spent a lot of time thinking of your little family for the last month or so as my baby Alivia is now an 18 month old, strong willed, independent, blonde hair, blue eyed ball of engery and giggles. She is my 3rd and has been my hardest child with that strong, fearless will, but I feel like Preslee has been her own personal angel for this last couple of months because when Alivia is at her naughtiest, I think of Preslee, and how awful and heartbreaking it would be to have to say goodbye at this time. Thoughts of Preslee have helped me hold onto my little Livi in moments when my first reation was to punish her or walk away to regain my cool. Two years later I am still touched and changed by your story, and I just want to thank you yet again for sharing your amazing perspective with those of us who need it most. As always, you will continue to be in my prayers.
ReplyDeletehaha i cant see any pictures?!? i guess ill wait to read the post when the images are back!
ReplyDelete