Dear Ledger,

Monday morning you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. You were a grouch, just like your parents. I was throwing myself a pity party, and wanted a minute to myself, to think and remember your sister. But you wouldn't have it. It was one of those days where nothing seemed to go right. 

You played in the toilet, and left the bathroom and yourself soaking wet. I put you in the tub, and suddenly I spotted a hobo spider on your head. Saying I freaked out is an understatement. About 5 minutes later, a little brown log was floating in the tub, and bath time came to an end. You clearly weren't ready to get out because you threw the world's biggest tantrum and I somehow managed to dress you through the constant back arching and flailing of arms. Then I set out to clean the dirty tub, and this is what I found you doing. I came out to a house covered in toilet paper. I'm not sure how you managed to shred it in every single room so quickly.

You ran to the door when you saw me... smart kid :)
Anyway, our day wasn't going so great.

We picked your dad up and took him to lunch, and then stopped at Walmart before going home. I sat you in the cart, and noticed the time, nearly 3:00 PM. Your sister passed away just minutes after, two short years ago. That all too familiar feeling in my stomach returned, and the tears started to fall as we walked through the store. The thought suddenly came to me, the reason I felt like I had been punched in the gut was probably because Preslee did just punch me, trying to get my attention, trying to remind me...

Yes, Preslee is gone, but sitting right in front of me was my child. The same child I prayed so desperately for after walking out of PCMC two years ago. I yearned to be a mom for 11 months, and there you sat right in front of me, and for whatever reason I had forgotten that day. I immediately picked you up, held you in my arms and started playing with you. My tears instantly dried as I tickled you, threw you up in the air, and twirled you around. Your giggling was contagious and before long, we were both laughing incredibly hard in the bedding section of Walmart. I couldn't help but say a quick silent prayer thanking Heavenly Father for you right then and there.

Ledge, your Dad and I are far from perfect, but we're trying. You were just being a normal curious toddler, but I let my grief get the better of me, and lost patience. I'm sorry. Thank you for being patient with me, it can't be easy being raised by grieving parents.

The rest of the night, we were both pretty happy campers, which seemed to rub off on your dad as well.

We had a good night, just the three of us, eating Angel Food Cake

in behalf of our Angel in Heaven.

We are extremely blessed to have you in our lives. We love you kiddo, your tantrums and all :)

And though I didn't laugh at the toilet paper strewn across the floor in the moment, I'm laughing while thinking about it now.

Love you Lovebug.