Oh Love Bug, you're growing too fast. I must admit, with every passing month I feel just a little bit more anxiety. My first experience of being a mom only lasted 18 months, and I find myself panicking that I have the same amount of time with you. I tell myself over and over that the odds of Preslee's story being yours is next to nothing, but I still feel anxiety.
I have a question for other Mom's who have lost kids. Does the anxiety go away after your child passes the specific age that you lost your other? I hope so.
Anyway, Sledge is now 7 months old. This hyperactive child is taking after his father in more ways than just looks.
This week he started scooting backwards while on his stomach. He also is starting to rock a little on all fours. I'm thinking crawling is in the near future. Oh happy day!
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Ledger has three teeth. Two on bottom and one on top. The second top one is almost through.
He hates to sit, unless he's eating. He can sit by himself, but won't. And I mean he really won't. He arches his back and then rolls over. He rarely will sit on anybody's lap. (Sorry to those who ask to hold him) He squirms until he gets to stand, and then he's happy to jump all day long... He's even learned how to throw himself out of his bumbo. Don't worry, not when he's up off the ground.
Watching Baby Signing Time.
Overall Ledger is still an extremely easy baby. Sleeps like a champ, and steals our hearts on a daily basis.
I don't know if it was anxiety about something happening..............but yes, after the 9 month 22 day mark with my 2nd little girl, there was relief ! Hang in there :)
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering when my anxiety will pass since I'm constantly worried I'll lose Preston too, but it's his dad who died. Maybe when he passes 28 years? Yikes!
ReplyDeleteWhoa, Momma, Those teeth are adorable!
ReplyDeleteI hope the anxiety goes away soon...I can see how that would be a scary thing to imagine! Leg is SO darling, what a big boy, almost crawling and soon to be walking! Your such a great mom : )
ReplyDeleteLedger is soooo ridiculously adorable!!
ReplyDeleteI have never had a child of my own pass away but my nephew did as a baby. I had my first child shortly thereafter and I remember having anxiety until my son passed my nephew's age mark. Praying for you!
Ash he is so cute!!! My rainbow baby has more than doubled the life Kael lived and all though I still have huge anxiety even with my older 2 before Kael it does ease up some. I dont know that it ever goes away but it lessens a little once you hit the milestone. Hugs mama
ReplyDeleteThat litle fella is so cute! I love the pictures you post. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHe is darling and is getting so so big! I hope your anxiety goes away soon! Xoxo
ReplyDeleteMy boy is one and eats all day long. He has been doing that since he discovered solids. It really is a "boy" thing. Food is so motivating to him that I would put puffs in front of him and he learned to crawl that way.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about the anxiety. I've never lost a child but have suffered through several miscarriages. Sometimes I wake up with a panic thinking something is going to happen. I hope someday it goes away.
I've been following another blog that I thought you might enjoy. It is written by the wife and husband together. I know there isn't a ton of "angel daddies" that write their grief down on the internet and it really helps hearing about how he is dealing with it.
jamescamdensikes.blogspot.com/
Oh man - love the teeth and last pic! Also - is Pog trying to eat whatever Ledger drops in his bib in that one picture? :) I hope the anxiety goes away as well...I hate being anxious for any reason!
ReplyDeleteThe anxiety doesn't really go away - when you have lost a loved one it will always be your benchmark and you will always fear suffering a similar loss again. That's normal. What you do is ask yourself how much time and happiness you want to sacrifice to your anxiety (very little!) and you do your best to make at least a little part of every day count.
ReplyDeleteIts completely normal to be anxious. I was so anxious about James being born because Emma never left the hospital. I did not even want to take a car seat to the hospital out of fear we would take it home empty again. What helps me daily is to remember the scripture.."our days are known and shall not be numbered less" I know then that he has his own plan. All of my children have their own plan. I dont get to decide that plan but as long as Heavenly Father is in charge of I am ok with that. That is what helps me get through some anxious days or nights or sometimes days and nights. :-) He is so adorable!!!!!!!!!!!1
ReplyDeleteHe is so adorable. They grow up so fast. I hope that your anxiety gets better.
ReplyDeleteLook at those teeth! I can't believe its already been 7 months! He's getting so big! That's so crazy you call him Lovebug! That's Ivy's nick name too! :) Love you guys! It was good to see you the other night for Dorsie's birthday. We'll have to get together again soon. Maybe the boys could go hang out and we can go shopping or something :)
ReplyDeleteAshley,
ReplyDeleteMy Noble is now 2.5 and Camille drowned at 14 months. I can tell you the anxiety for me was worst from the time he could move till about age 2. I think that age was just so scary because he COULD get into so much trouble and wasn't old enough to know yet what was dangerous. Not that as a 2 year old he knew everything but at least he knew not to run into the street and to watch out for cars and stuff. Now at 2.5 I worry very little about chocking hazards (that was a bit worry for me based on friends) and I have Noble in private swim lessons that are making me feel better about that aspect too. I hope by summer he will be swimming pretty well. There is so much less anxiety than there was even 6 months that it seems non existent.
My little guy Harrison is just getting mobile crawling all around. He looks so much like Camille and is about the size and developmental age she was when she passed. So the anxiety is back but it is less with him than it was with Noble at this age. Time has helped some with that I guess.
It will get better. I know how hard it is. I hate it too. The anxiety is maddening. May the Lord give you the faith to weather it.
Stephanie Waite
Hey Ashley,
ReplyDeleteEver since you lost Preslee I have had a ton of anxiety about lossing Addalyn. I don't know why but I just have. I decided that maybe it's a good thing because it motivates me to be a better mom. I don't know how much time I will have with Addalyn, hopefully she lives to be
old and wrinkly:) But if she is supposed to go she will go. I don't really like the thought of that but it is a constant reminder that I need to make the most out of every moment. I know you have already discovered this but that's how I use my anxiety so it doesn't take over.
I have been thinking about you a lot lately! So I do have to say he looks a lot like his sister. He is an absolute doll!7 months. Can't believe it! I love the pictures!!!!
ReplyDeleteI haven't lost a child, but my mom did ... an older brother at 5 months of age .. and yes, she had EXTREME anxiety until each child and grandchild reached that age. No, it doesn't make sense ... there's nothing that says any age is a "magic" age and that a child is "safe" once passing it ... but in her heart and in her experience anything past that age was golden. I hope the same is true for you.
ReplyDeleteSweetie, I remember specifically when my little boy passed James' age. it was hard to have him that size doing the same things. I did have a LOT of anxiety. Once he passed that age the anxiety did relieve but in general I am still anxious about everyone's safety, mine included. I'm anxious that something bad is going to happen to someone I love. I never experienced anxiety before James' death and now I get in my panic attack modes. But they come in and out in waves. I remember being paranoid the WHOLE time I was pregnant that something was going to happen to my baby girl. . . I had to learn how to just live in faith that if something by chance did happen to someone God would give me strength to get through it like he gave me to get through James' death. Much love.
ReplyDeleteDays Of Michelles Life
He is absolutely adorable. When I was reading your post, my 1 yr old kept looking at his picture going "What's that?" which is her "who, what, why, where, when". He's stealing hearts already :)
ReplyDeleteI can't get over how cute he is!!!
ReplyDeleteNate died at 25 days old and Brady is now 32 days. The first 25 days with Brady I kept thinking "what if I knew that I only had 20 more days...12 more days...5 more days...1 more day". It was really hard. NOw that I am officially past that number, I'm finding that I am more relaxed and able to enjoy him more. I know that any of my 5 kids can be taken at any moment but for some reason, I just feel more vulnerable and anxious about Brady than the others.
ReplyDeleteI think that we will always be different from other moms because we have travelled a different road. The fear and anxiety that we experience can't be measured or understood by most but I also believe that we have an appreciation for our kids that few will ever get to experience. That part is a gift.
Hugs,
Trisha