Even though Thanksgiving was a million times better than last year, Pat and I walked in the door late that night and talked about how much we missed Pres that day. When you don't see members of your extended family all that often, it's hard not to notice how much everyone's kids have grown. Then my brain starts thinking... thinking that next month I should have a three year old. I seem to be a little stuck on the thought right now, that she would be turning three.
Tonight I searched through the hundred of pictures we have of her. Looking for a new one I haven't noticed yet. Never delete photos, even if they don't seem perfect, the crazy candid ones have become my favorite. I have a video clip of Preslee throwing a tantrum, which brings me to tears every single time I watch it. I drastically miss her cry. I miss being able to console her. If you edit your pictures always keep the original, you never know if one day your amazing sil who is a photographer will be willing to edit a few of them for you. I certainly never thought pictures of my daughter would mean so much to me.
Anyway, here's to missing my almost three year old daughter, but who will always be one day shy of reaching 19 months in my head. I've watched this movie over and over again tonight, I'm not quite sure why it made me cry so hard, but it did. We love you Monkey.
Hugs to you!
ReplyDeletehi Ashley. sorry i haven't commented in a while. this video is precious. i can see why it would make you cry. her perfect round little head. her soft hair that is almost long enough to put into a clip or bow. her little tummy sticking out. her curious, happy eyes that keep looking into the camera. she is too cute. i am one of those who deletes the "bad" pics of our little one, i will try not to do that anymore. always thinking of you. much love. ~ tatum (and sam) hawkins.
ReplyDeleteThe song in the background of this video is so fitting.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is truly amazing--YOU are an incredible example of courage and joy.
What a beautiful baby girl. Gosh, how terrible to not have her joy in your life any more. I find myself in so much pain when I think about how you must feel. I would just be lost without that little bouncing baby in my life. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I think about you guys all the time and how you must feel. I have nothing to compare it too, but I send you prayers and happy thoughts. What a sweet sweet baby girl. So sweet.
ReplyDeleteI've always been a little anti delete. AndI have about as many candid shots as I do intentional ones. Currently my four year old refuses to let me get annything else. I have to bribe her with candy for good photos that's how rotten she is.
ReplyDeleteHow cute Pres was. How fun that she "helped" you in the morning to get ready (I'm guessing as to when this was). My girl likes pretties too if mommy has them.
I send you lots of hugs. This time of year is hard when family are missing.
--Amy
Love you :)
ReplyDeleteso precious...love you ashley! thinking about you...especially this time of year! you're amazing!
ReplyDeleteThat movie is so cute! What great memories to have. Holidays are especially hard. Its a extra reminder and sting that someone is missing. Praying for your sweet family! Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteashley- i don't know how you get through it. she's such a beautiful, precious little soul. i can imagine that missing her is just unbearable. you are such an inspiration to so many people. wishing you peace in knowing that sweet preslee is in paradise with Jesus and that she wants you to be happy and shower precious ledger with all that love you have in your heart for both of them.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweetheart! Praying for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteYour sweet Preslee is such a beautiful soul. I'm so grateful to have the knowledge, as you do, that she is the same Preslee and always will be. She is celebrating being thankful and Christ's birth right along with you and your family. I hope you can feel her presence, I believe she is learning from you. You are still her parents, you are such a good example to her. Keep living just like you are, she has such a wonderful family. I hope I can be half as good a mom to my little girl as you are to Preslee and Ledger. Sending prayers your way always.
ReplyDeleteIt's about time that I leave a comment on your blog. I've been following it ever since....well, just ever since. I was told about Preslee by my cousin, Lisa Rigby Kinghorn, a year ago July. She asked her family to send prayers your way. I hope you felt them all the way from Florida.
ReplyDeleteI, too, have a daughter that will be 3 soon (in March). And every now and then, I allow myself to think how different my life would be if she wasn't here with me. It's a thought too painful to think about very often. And then I think of you, and all the other mothers that have lost a child, and I feel guilty for your loss. But I want you to know that your example is one that I look to often. I come to your blog. I cry. I get mad. Sometimes I smile. Especially when I heard that you were going to be a mommy again. What a blessing Ledger is to you! And then, without fail, I'm sad all over again. For you. For your hubby. For your families. And especially for Ledger. Because, like you said, he'll never get to know (in this life, at least) his big sister. And how amazing she was!
My husband and I both went to Ricks College (it'll forever be Ricks College to me!). We have fond memories of that town. That place. So, looking through your blog, I'm reminded of the good times that that place can bring.
My nephew, Cannon, is 20 months old. He was born with a genetic disorder called Menkes Disease. It's awful. It's fatal. And there is currently no cure. I was able to spend Thanksgiving with this sweet little angel. And I know, without a doubt, that although his life is nothing anyone would choose for themselves, he essentially took one for the team. He took this as his ultimate test. And we learn something from him every day. Patience. Faith. Kindness. Love. Goodness. Simplicity. And all of us, even if we didn't before, have something to live for. That we may be reunited with him again one day, in the highest of places. He'll be there for sure. And so will Press.
One day in the near future, my brother and sister-in-law will have to begin the grieving process. That same process that you have taught me so much about. All the layers. All the different faces it puts on. All the days and nights it grabs you. And yet, knowing that you can get through it, is such a comforting feeling. So please know that your words, your example, your paving of the way for many of us to follow, means something. Because whether we knew her or not, Preslee meant something. She still does. And forever will. Thank you for sharing her with us. I'll never hear that sweet name again, without thinking of her.
I hope you don't mind that I've written so much. Like I said, I've been meaning to for some time now. I appreciate you and all that you do. Continue to be strong. And on the days that you can't be, that's ok, too. I won't tell anyone.
Lots of love,
Amy Copeland Barlow
(My Aunt and Uncle are Denise and Blair Rigby)
PS: Here is my nephew's blog. Just in case you'd like to read about him, too. http://copelands-natalie.blogspot.com/
PPS: I forgot to tell you the one thing that made me leave a comment in the first place! :)
ReplyDeleteI found it ironic, that in the video you posted of Press, that the song that was playing in the background, was Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You." Although your life doesn't truly suck, I found it fitting.
"You've got a piece of me....and honestly, my life would suck without you." KC
We miss that little girly girl. What a fun video to look back on. I couldn't help but break down when she looked right into the camera. It felt like she was here. I love you guys, and continue to pray that you can get through each day. Love ya! Linsy and Jamie
ReplyDeleteYou have an absolutely gorgeous little girl Ashlee. Although she would be three next month, isn't it good to know that when you see her again she will be the exact same Preslee that you last saw? Still one day shy of 19 months. She is an amazing little spirit. Thanks for sharing so much with us.
ReplyDeleteSending prayers your way. She is so cute, I love how she starts cleaning the top of the toilet :) love ya!
ReplyDeleteOh she is so adorable! I think the hardest part of everything would be not being able to see how they grow and change :( so hugs and prayers coming your way!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry Ash.... We love you guys and pray for you all the time!
ReplyDeleteWe sure miss her too. I'm sorry for the pain that you are constantly going through, I wish I could help. You guys are always in our prayers. We love you!
ReplyDeleteI totally can see why it made you cry. It is a wonderful video. I really value my photos as well. It's hard to erase any of my photos. My husband laughs at me sometimes because I may have many of the exact same picture. Thoughts and prayers are with you always. Pres is a beautiful little girl. I'm so happy that you have little Ledger. I see him and he looks so much like his big sister. I'm always thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteLove, Jenni-Ohio
Perk up buttercup.....tears are cleansing, shed as many as you need to:)
ReplyDeleteshe is so cute! you are strong Ashley. I don't know what I would do in your situation, it makes me cry to even think of anything like that happening to my baby. Your son is adorable too! I hope you and your cute little family have a wonderful CHristmas and New Year.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing something so personal and precious. This proves how we don't even have to personally know each other to also feel your pain and the love you will always have for your beautiful daughter.
ReplyDeleteI lost my niece 20 years ago, she was 2. One day when I was taking care of her she started to take her first steps, I hurried and got out my video camera, (the cameras were HUGE back then) but I knew as a mother how much her parents would enjoy watching this one day when Jilly was grown and on her own, what I didn't know was we would lose her at such a young age. This little video I made 20 years ago is truly a treasure to us all. Again, thank you for sharing your stories, as painful as they are, they touch our hearts in so many ways. Bless you and your family always.
Kim
Hi Ashley, I've never commented before, but have been following your story since Preslee's accident. I watched this video just now with my three year old (born the same year as Pres in May) and hugged him a little tighter. I can't begin to imagine the pain you all have been through, but I pray for you often. And, just wanted to say how strong I think you and Patrick are! God bless you all!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Ledger is the studliest little guy ever!