Missing Her

It's exhausting... grieving one child, and rejoicing over another. So many mixed emotions. Many times I feel like I shouldn't be grieving since we've been blessed with Ledger. I almost feel guilty when the tears come. I've had to remind myself that my kids are two separate people and Pat and I will continue to grieve the loss of Preslee.

It's hard to fathom a year ago this post was written.

There's no doubt the last day with Preslee was extremely difficult as I held her in my arms for the very last time. It was traumatizing to watch her little body fight to live for over 3 hours. I've been told the process of her leaving this earth really couldn't have gone much worse. Over the past year I've earnestly prayed that I could forget the horrifying images engraved in my mind. To my amazement, many of those images have slowly slipped away. I feel this is one of the biggest blessings/miracles I have been given in the past year. Now I find myself praying for the same miracle to take place in Pat's life.

I'm so grateful that my husband was selfless enough to let me be the one to hold Preslee for the last time. I know he understood how much it meant to me. He was incredibly strong and never left Preslee's side through the entire process that day. When it was too much for me to handle and couldn't bare to see our daughter struggle anymore, I was grateful to know Preslee had her dad next to her holding her hand while I ran out of the room in hopes to calm myself down and make sense of what was happening.

But as difficult as that day was, I felt there was no better way to celebrate Preslee's life then to reminisce about the amazing time we had with her. It's been months since I've been able to look at pictures from before the accident, and for the past few days, all I've wanted to do is hold Ledger and watch the slide show which is posted below, over and over again. Though I cry each time, all I really want is to just remember her. I want to take in every detail from those pictures in hopes of never forgetting anything about her. As I look back, I realize what an enormous blessing she was in our lives. Little miss Jo Jo certainly loved life and shared that love she had with those around her.

The slide show is an updated version my sil Alisha made for us to play at the Pay It Forward project on her Birthday. (It is different then the one I linked in December) Thank you for all of your continual support over the past year. All of you who have went out of your way to help us overcome this trial, even if it was leaving a comment or sending an e-mail - we're eternally grateful.