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Easter

Easter

I can't help but write today. As holidays approach I always wonder how I'll feel and react. Yes, I've already cried today. Yes, it was hard to see everyone at Walmart yesterday busy buying candy and toys for their kid's Easter Baskets. It was hard to hear of the Easter egg hunts and see the girls in their Easter dresses today at church. But today I feel overwhelmed with gratitude. I'm grateful for the knowledge Pat and I have that Christ is our Savior and that He lived! Because of Him, Pat and I, along with Preslee and the little boy I'm carrying, will live again as a family. I think of that reunion often.

It's amazing to think back to last year, I was busy filling Preslee's basket with candy, toys, new sandals, and not quite understanding the impact or importance of the resurrection. Now I have such a strong appreciation for it. I know next year I'll get to refill that same Easter basket in the picture below for our little boy, but I realize our emphasis will be forever on the Savior and the resurrection. I think it will be a wonderful day to teach our little boy about his older sister and the Savior's role in the plan of salvation.

Pres finding her Easter Basket

Dad giving Pres cotton candy for the first time.

Though a year ago I would have never imagined today I'd be writing a post like this, or missing a little girl like this, I realize today is a day filled with hope.

Happy Easter.
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35 comments:

  1. Melissa CheneyApril 24, 2011 at 12:58 PM

    I thought of you today as I got my little girl ready for church and knew how much you'd be missing your sweet Preslee. I prayed deeply in my heart that you would be comforted by the true message of Easter, as you so eloquently put it--HOPE--and the knowledge that you WILL see your little girl again BECAUSE of this beautiful day so many years ago...

    Your strength and perspective is such an example to me and so many others. Thank you for letting your light shine!!!

    Happy Easter.

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  2. tyler, terrah, miles and gavinApril 24, 2011 at 1:01 PM

    Thank you for reminding us about the true meaning of Easter. It's awesome and amazing and beautiful that we all have the chance to be with our families forever. The Savior's sacrifice is something I don't fully understand, but I am definitely grateful for it.

    We hope you have a very happy Easter!

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  3. The SullengersApril 24, 2011 at 2:08 PM

    Awww..missing Preslee!

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  4. The MatlocksApril 24, 2011 at 2:10 PM

    Your amazing! I love reading your blog. It is truly comforting. I am so grateful for the knowledge that we have!!! I cannot wait for you to reunite with your little princess. It will be a very sweet reunion :) Happy Easter!

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  5. NatalieApril 24, 2011 at 2:56 PM

    Thank you for helping me and others remember the true meaning....

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  6. KendraApril 24, 2011 at 3:11 PM

    I have thought about you all day....hoping that you were doing okay. So amazed at your positive attitude and strong testimony!

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  7. lindseyApril 24, 2011 at 4:09 PM

    Happy Easter!! I heard a good lesson in Relief Society and thought of yall! Love ya and enjoy it with your fam!

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  8. KaseyApril 24, 2011 at 6:21 PM

    Thinking about you a lot today. Those are sweet pictures of Preslee.

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  9. UnknownApril 24, 2011 at 8:45 PM

    I think often of you and your sweet family. Today though as Tanner and I were watching the Easter dream, I tried to explain to him that when you die you still will be with your family in heaven.. He said "Just like Preslee..." We love you guys all sooooooooo much and everyday Preslee is still in Tanner's prayers and mine.. Thank you Pat and Ashley for sharing not only Preslee's story, But for sharing her with our Family... We

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  10. ChelseaApril 24, 2011 at 8:49 PM

    As I sat in church today and the whole meeting was on members who have lost their children or spouses I obviously thought of you, Pat and Pres. I must say even though Pres is your daughter and not mine, she has made me look at Easter a little differently and I now see the impact of the resurrection a little more clear than before. Still think about you guys every night when we get on our knees, love and miss you guys.

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  11. Chelsea NicoleApril 24, 2011 at 8:56 PM

    I was on the wrong sign in...
    Just so you don't think strangers are loving and missing you haha
    - Beckstrand's

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  12. JonesApril 24, 2011 at 10:46 PM

    Thank you for your deepest thoughts. I think you're so strong and such an inspiration. I try to live everyday like it was the last, although sometimes it is hard to get through the day. I can't imagine what you have to go through everyday. My thoughts and prayers are always with you and your family. Happy Easter.

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  13. TabbiApril 24, 2011 at 11:17 PM

    You are in my thoughts every holiday, every time I look at my kids, hold them and when I kiss them. My heart goes out to you and yours! You have been through the unimaginable...I just cry every time I see a picture of your daughter Preslee..She's a doll. Hope that as time passes you will find comfort although the pain will never fully subside. You are an amazing person. You are strong and I am just so touched by your life and story and made me really take everything into perspective and know that the time spent with my kids is far more important than anything else in this world..We are never promised just one more day...She was blessed to have you as parents and to be a part of your families lives for her short time here on this earth. Heavenly father has plans for her. Simply to be your guardian angel. Keep pushing through and count down the days until your next bundle of joy comes. Congrats!

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  14. TarynApril 25, 2011 at 12:09 AM

    I always look forward to reading your blog. Thank you for all that you share. Preslee is beautiful. Such a tiny girl has had such a huge impact on my life. You are an amazing person. Thanks again for sharing. You have strengthened my testimony numerous times.

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  15. Emily Heizer PhotographyApril 25, 2011 at 3:02 AM

    Happy Easter lovie.

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  16. AnonymousApril 25, 2011 at 9:52 AM

    Your courage inspires.

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  17. AlishaApril 25, 2011 at 9:59 AM

    That was beautiful, Ash. Love you guys!

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  18. SPAULDING FAMILYApril 25, 2011 at 10:26 AM

    I found your blog a couple of months ago and love reading your posts. I thought of you today on my way to church. I have an 18 month old and am currently 18 weeks pregnant, so my emotions are all over the place. Anyhow, my daughter is at the stage where she hates being put in her carseat, and will arch her back before I even try to put in it. I was already late and did not feel like I had time for this, so my patience was very thin. After getting frustrated, I sobbed all the way to church thinking about you and how you would love to be doing that with Preslee and how we take even the difficult days of motherhood for granted. I looked back at my daughter when we were on the road and she was as happy as she could be(making faces of herself in the mirror) as if nothing had happened...children are so resilient. I am so thankful for your inspiration...you truly help me enjoy the smallest joys of motherhood that I otherwise would miss.

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  19. AnonymousApril 25, 2011 at 10:33 AM

    Everytime I hear "for good" from Wicked I think of Preslee. I listen to it often. Its so amazing how a little girl you dont even know can make such an impact on your life. Everytime I see her picture I feel like I know her, what a sweet angel you have watching over you now. I hope you had a great Easter

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  20. UnknownApril 25, 2011 at 12:24 PM

    my heart just breaks for you...i can only imagine the tremendous longing and wishing for your beautiful preslee. i pray for you daily and in difficult times you give me strength..."i can do hard things."

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  21. debbieApril 25, 2011 at 5:38 PM

    I come back to your blog every so often, and I just want to tell you I pray for you every night. Preslee is beautiful, and I can't wait for you to see her again!

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  22. ShandraApril 25, 2011 at 7:02 PM

    I found your blog through a friend's blog & I have stayed up numerous nights reading your blog. You are truely an inspiration. You are such a strong woman...even in hard times you always seem to see the good in it. I think of you often & you are in my prayers. Glad you had a good Easter!!!

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  23. Jake and Laura EamesApril 26, 2011 at 1:57 PM

    Thank you for your strength! I saw you and your husband in the temple a couple Saturdays ago (We were in the waiting room as you walked in) I have so much love and adoration for you and your husband. Thank you for being so open and sharing your sweet spirit with all of us!

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  24. marisaApril 27, 2011 at 12:08 AM

    Dear Ashley,
    I've been following your blog for almost a year now. I am a convert to the church(about 17yrs ) Sometimes it is so hard to imagine that we are all suppose to die and leave our loved ones. that this really is the "plan" That we are here just for a fleeting moment in our Heavenly Father's time frame. It is hard for me to even imagine what you, Pat and your family have experienced. However, you have made me really stop and ponder what I would have felt if I would have lost one of my 4 babies and where my testimony really stands. To not take the Atonement for granted and to truly see how it can affect my life. We have just discovered that my mother is experiencing the early signs of Alzheimer's disease. I haven't experienced too many close to me having such issues that bring me to the realization that we are not meant to be here forever and so I wish to thank you for being so honest and truthful with your emotions and feelings and your testimony. You have made the huge Blow of coming to the realization that my mom may not be around that much longer a little bit softer for me-since i have stopped and pondered about these things. To truly make the most of the little time that we have here on the earth together. It makes me so sad but, thank you for helping me to not be as sad. You are such an inspiration. i too think of you often. Thank you for being so open and allowing us all to grow and learn from you,

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  25. the VirginsApril 27, 2011 at 12:23 AM

    Thank you ash for reminding us what Easter is really about. I cried while reading your post. You are so amazing and always write things so perfectly. We are always thinking about you guys!
    Im glad you had a good easter. love ya!

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  26. AnonymousApril 27, 2011 at 11:41 AM

    For some reason you all came to my mind today. I was praying for others who were hurting and I remember what you went thru last year loosing your precious baby girl. Seeing your post that you were expecting a precious baby boy just made me smile. Thank the Lord for His promise of Eternal Life. God bless you all!
    Marilyn White

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  27. Jodi LansinkApril 27, 2011 at 12:35 PM

    I can't look at those pictures without tearing up.

    You are such an inspiration!!!!!!!

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  28. Heather and SpencerApril 27, 2011 at 1:51 PM

    Thanks for the reminder of what we should be focusing on at Easter time!

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  29. RavenApril 28, 2011 at 12:34 AM

    Just found your blog. OMG, talk about going through our archives and bawling my eyes out.

    Preslee is a precious, precious baby girl. BEAUTIFUL. I believe just like you that she is in Heaven right now having a blast, and looking down on you and her new brother. You and your husband are amazing. Your little Preslee is amazing. So exited to read more about you all!!

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  30. JessicaApril 28, 2011 at 12:14 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  31. JessicaApril 28, 2011 at 12:19 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  32. The Tanner FamilyApril 29, 2011 at 10:37 PM

    Your strength and testimony are so amazing to me. I appreciate you sharing your feelings. I feel that I am strengthened by reading your posts. You truly are an inspiration to me. My prayers and thoughts are with you always.

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  33. Hannah ChallisApril 30, 2011 at 4:47 AM

    You are amazing!!!!!

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  34. KelliMay 3, 2011 at 7:33 PM

    You are such an inspiration to me and your story has really touched my heart. I to went to BYU-Idaho and became a teacher. In that way I feel a bond with you. I now live in Utah and teach preschool. I did teach 2nd grade for 2 years before having children.
    As I feel impelled to write to you, I sit here at my computer feeling guilty for not spending this time with my two little girls. But I wanted you to know that your story has strengthened my testiomony of this great gospel in which we belong to. Tears streamed the first time I read your story, I can't imagine what you have gone through. Your Preslee is only a couple months younger than my Emree.
    I wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy and with this sweet little boy that you are about to bring into this world. You and your husband are truly amazing!! God bless you and best wishes for your future!!

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  35. ConnieBMay 3, 2011 at 8:44 PM

    Your blog always tugs at my heart strings when I visit. I don't read blogs much but I try to visit yours to see how things are going. I think you are so strong and amazing. My heart aches for you and I get a lump in my throat imagining what it must be like to suffer such a loss- the Lord obviously knows you are capable of handling, what I think, the hardest thing there is. I'm sooo excited for you to enjoy your baby boy soon. And I'm so happy you feel hope and peace more and more each day (:

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