Time

The struggles we face today are different than the ones we faced after the funeral. It was much easier back then. We were numb. The grieving process hadn't kicked in. Now, the physical heart wrenching pain of missing her is overwhelming. Six months or half of a year, is a long time to go without seeing anyone, let alone your only daughter. We're exhausted from crying. It's even more exhausting watching your spouse hurt. We miss being parents and hate the silence in our home. There are so many sounds I miss. The sound of both Preslee's and Pat's contagious laughs coming from our bedroom as they wrestled on our bed each morning is something I pray will never fade from my memory. I miss her noisy toys, the sound of her drinking from her sippy cup, and her jumping in her crib at night when she knew she should be asleep. Oh there is so much to miss.

I've learned new situations can be difficult. I started student teaching on Monday. I've been placed in a great school, with a great teacher, with 21 lively 1st graders. The best part is the school is only two blocks away from my house. I'm going to be able to learn so much and grow as a teacher. One week down, and only 12 more to go. But I've been surprised how many of the girls remind me of the memories I have of Preslee, or how difficult recess duty was. It took me completely off guard to walk on the playground I use to take Preslee to during the summer when the park was too crowded. That's when it seems to be the hardest, when you don't have time to prepare for those memories to hit you like a ton of bricks. But I've learned overtime, those hard moments will lessen at school, just like they did last semester.

But most of all I wanted to thank so many of you for your continual support. School became so hectic in November/December that I devoted every spare minute to school, my church calling, or the Pay it Forward Project. We received so many e-mails over the past few months I was desperately trying to keep up to speed with that as well, but became overwhelmed. I'm sorry. I know this is so impersonal, but please understand your letters and acts of kindness have meant the world to us. I've been shocked as those of you have shared your personal stories with the most perfect timing, and taught me what I needed to know. So many of your experiences and prayers have kept us going. Thank You. I know I say this a lot, but it's been life changing to see how wonderful people really are. I can't help but be so very grateful that we're put here on this earth surrounded by people to help us with our trials. To do this on our own would be impossible.

And yet as time continues onward, we can't help but feel grateful for this little bump that appeared this week. (16 weeks)

The nausea has lessened and the cravings for Jack in the Box tacos have diminished. (Yes the deep fried mushy tacos, I couldn't get enough of the salsa on them) I've craved tomato based foods the entire time. So if you have any good recipes please send them our way. I think Pat would appreciate something new :)